Chapter Text
You just never know who is going to be impacted—or how—by things said.
In the end, there’s no remedy for spilled words like flour left smeared across a countertop. The planted seed of words in the universe will always come back. The fracture of his arm healed when he was younger, leaving nothing but a scar from the scrapes of the playground debacle, jagged and raised on a seamless forearm. But words show no tangible tattoo, they instead lie dormant for years and come back every time someone feels compromised. They’re the sleeping demons that come to life when a person needs it the least.
Byun Baekhyun can hear the careless words spit by a stranger on a bus at 15 just as clearly as the words mirrored now: “He’s probably easy.”
Easy. What does that even mean? Easy to fool? Easy to take advantage of? Easy to give in to coaxing words that bring comfort and refuge? He might have been all of those things at once. But he’s not that person anymore. Or at least he doesn’t want to be and that has to count for something.
Standing under the vinyl awning of the bar he works at, away from the rain, he swats absently in front of his face as two women smoke rose scented cigarettes. He’s used to the smell after years of exposure but he only tolerates it in open spaces. In their close proximity, the clouds waft before his face in a heavy stench as if exacerbated by the juxtaposition of the clean rain. He doesn’t want to choke on the toxicity of it, but he doesn’t duck the second-hand smoke either. It’s the familiarity of the musk that he most dislikes, the masoch*stic side of him stays put knowing it’ll still give him a rush of memories of a time, of a person, and how can he resist that?
It isn’t fair. He’s hurting himself. But he can’t stop.
How can anyone move forward in a world that only dregs up the past you run from?
“Hey.”
Baekhyun pretends not to hear the girls calling out to him.
He doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now. He just needs a second to catch his breath before his manager realizes he’s gone and he can’t do that entertaining drunken party girls. It’s not fair that people who smoke can take smoke breaks but people who don’t smoke don’t get extra breaks, so Baekhyun has decided on his own—without the approval of his superiors—that he can stand out in the night air and pretend to smoke for a few minutes if it means he can take a few seconds to regain his footing during a rush. His breath is thick in the muggy air anyway, puffing before his face in full white clouds. The cool rain falling on the hot street is pulling steam around their ankles like a fog rolling in. It’s the kind of day he once loved. Sitting on the ledge of a high rise apartment with a cup of tea, looking out at the city below. The colorful umbrellas all dancing about like flowers swaying in the breeze.
“Hey.” The woman calls again.
It’s loud enough that he can’t avoid it this time so he looks over, just barely lifting his eyes.
“You’re cute. How old are you?”
Baekhyun shifts his weight uncomfortably.
“I saw him swatting cigarette smoke from his eyes. He’s probably a minor.” Her long dark hair falls in her eyes as she swipes the smoke from around them as if to diffuse it for his sake.
He glances over to the woman who spoke, her tight red dress cut out just at the swell of thigh leaving an impossibly short amount of fabric. He wonders if women ever feel embarrassed with so much skin to spare for prying eyes. While he’s all for empowerment, he constantly wonders if some women are left out of the option to trend well.
“You’re a minor?” The other more abrasive woman asks, voice louder and thick with years of smoking.
Her hair is stacked on her head, leaving tendrils to fall down over bare shoulders. He can’t quite look at them head on, feeling uncomfortable since her breasts are spilling from the navy-blue corset top she’s wearing. He could appreciate that it was paired down with classic straight leg white pants cutting at her mid-calf and still not be interested in the overflow of cleavage. So much effort goes into their careful fashion but he can’t help but wonder if it’s all for nothing. The same looks on different days. The same makeup on different faces. What does it matter in the end what people put on when they’ll all encounter the same lies and bullsh*t, even from people that are supposed to be trustworthy. Wearing nicer clothes puts a person at a higher risk for fake friendships. Wearing slack clothes only puts you at an arm’s length with people avoiding you with preconceived notions. People read one another on a first glance in the end. After all, he’s reading these women too.
“I work here.” He says quietly.
“What?” The corset woman barks.
He clears his throat and pushes his already rolled up black sleeves on his button down and motions to his black slacks.
“I work here.” He repeats with a raised voice over the rain.
A bicycle speeds by a puddle turning up water at the ankles. It’s cold enough to be jarring. Discomfort mixes with a sense of thrill, a reminder that he’s alive and he can feel still. What’s left of him can still feel. The women shriek in unison, both calling out to the pedalist to be careful though he’s long gone. Baekhyun takes that moment to duck back into the bar, the sweat almost tangible in the air the second he steps foot across the threshold. The stagnant crowd stays clustered together, making it difficult for him to get by despite his small stature. It’s just more of the same… corsets and miniskirts, silk shirts and fancy belt buckles. Maybe he’s jaded but there’s no thrill here in this place; not in music, not in people, not in experiences.
He’s breathless as a bony elbow comes in against his rib cage and he curls forward. His slight height making him a target for the party goers who are dancing to the drop of house music. The floor is slick with spilled drinks and sweat, the rubber soles on his slip resistant work shoes make loud screeching noises as he gets tousled around. He wants to turn around and go back outside with air to breathe. Perfume and cologne, an array of mixed liquors and putrid barley brews swirl his senses with lingering tobacco. Nausea comes in waves, feeling hot and sweaty all over again until he reaches the bar. His body is pushed into the metal top and his hip bone collides with the edge of a stool with a gruff apology that lacks sincerity. Once safely behind the bar, he finally has personal space back and with it a long line of receipts for orders entered into the POS tablet system.
“Where have you been?” Luhan shouts over the pounding den of music.
The base shakes the bottles behind the bar top and there are bar glasses stacked up in the sink.
“Please help! I need help!” He yells, running to snatch another ticket.
He growls under his breath and wipes sweat from his forehead with his shirt collar.
“Who the f*ck entered a Mojito when we’re this busy? I’ll personally kill them!”
Baekhyun reaches into the sink and starts to wash glasses as quickly as he can, zoning out to focus on scraping the lipstick from the salted crusty rims.
“Byun! Where the hell have you been?”
Manager Lee comes behind the bar and slams down a menu on the citrus cutting board, sending a half cut lemon to roll to the ground.
“I’ve gotten nonstop complaints about backed up drink orders which wouldn’t bother me if both of my bartenders were back here working their asses off. But I look over and Lu is running around like a scrawny chicken with his flower boy head cut off. Why? Why is it that every shift you go missing? Do you have somewhere better to be?”
“N-no sir. I--I just had to g-go to the bathroom.” Baekhyun stutters.
“Hold it! You don’t get a bathroom break when I have-” Lee manager counts out the tickets one by one and tosses them down on the counter. “12 drink orders backed up. Get your sh*t together, Byun!”
“Y-yes sir!” He stammers, tuning him out now.
“Dammit!” He shouts, pounding his fist on the cutting board before storming off.
“I need a pint glass and a Collins glass for this Mojito yesterday! Get a move on it Baek!” Luhan calls over his shoulder as he crushes mint leaves frantically. “God this is time consuming—you know what? Just 86 mint leaves. We don’t have time to be doing this!”
Baekhyun reaches sets the glass down and turns the water off, going to the POS screen and marking the mint leaves as 86 for the night, preventing any orders with mint or mint garnish. He grabs a towel and dries the outside of the glasses and sets them on the rubber Jägermeister bar spill mat for Luhan.
“Thanks, where’s the ticket now?” Luhan growls looking around.
Baekhyun grabs the white ticket from the other side of the beer taps and sets it on the server pickup station and Luhan places the mojito on top of it. Effortlessly, carrying in the momentum of his swerving around, he slides the freshly cleaned pint glass under the tap to pour a blue moon.
Baekhyun quickly cuts an orange into wedges and hands it over to Luhan and he silently thanks him with a gasp of relief and furrowed brows. Baekhyun gets back to washing glasses as a server comes behind the bar to drop off more.
“Here, I’ll take over washing bar glasses. Make the damned drinks!” She yells.
“Wait—are you authorized for bartending?”
“What?”
Luhan turns around and stops her for Baekhyun.
“You can’t be behind the bar Yoon! We’ll get fussed at, it’s against corporate policy!”
“But we’re swamped!” She complains as Baekhyun continues washing.
“Go see if Jennie is working, she’s cross trained! She can come wash dishes! You can’t Yoon, you’re not trained for behind the counter!”
Yoon flies out from behind the bar and Baekhyun sets more glasses out to dry one after another before Jennie finally comes to take over. Baekhyun rejoins Luhan in making drinks and he lets his hands take over in a sort of blind muscle memory. His shoulders hurt from reaching and pouring and leaning down to wash dishes. His soles are numbed from standing and stepping on uneven mats. As he wipes the overflow of foam top from the side of a glass he feels himself slip out of autopilot for just a second before snapping back in place with the monotony of his job.
What is his purpose?
What is all of this amounting to?
Where is his place and why doesn’t he have time to breathe anymore?
When will he have enough headspace to figure out what he wants with his life and when should he finally call his parents? And if he does call… will they answer anyways… He can’t face this continual rejection because it only brings him further down in this unknown dark place where he fears he will be consumed entirely…
Chanyeol feels his phone vibrating in his pocket and reaches down into the dark viscose lining of his soft grey wool slacks.
He elegantly holds up a finger to the man sitting in front of him and slides the answer button on his sleek iPhone plus.
“Hello?”
He unbuttons the bottom button of his classic fit Armani jacket and leans on the mid height cubicle wall as he listens intently. The woman on the other end sounds nervous and he knows she’s gathering her courage. He closes his eyes, afraid of what’s to come when she spills the good news.
“You got a study abroad opportunity in Japan?” He says softly. “That’s really impressive.”
The employee next to him looks up at him and then back to his computer screen and starts to drag two columns of an excel sheet to select them and Chanyeol reaches over and points to only one without a word.
“Only one column?” The young man asks.
Chanyeol covers the receiver and whispers, “Only the outcome rejected field’s column should be highlighted.”
The employee nods and he goes back to listening to the woman on the other line.
“No, no, don’t apologize. I’m really proud of you. When does it start?” He asks, knowing that she mentioned her new semester would start in a few weeks over dinner a few evenings ago.
She’s still abundantly apologetic which makes him feel so bad. Because really, she should be excited for this new change in her young life. She shouldn’t feel apologetic over something so wonderful. But here he is, listening to a university student, nervous and uncomfortable over being offered an opportunity of a lifetime to go abroad and study at Waseda University on the Japanese mainland like it was a burden she was imposing upon him.
“Stop it. I’m really proud of you and I mean it. When do you need to move?”
He tries to sound soft, but he can tell he isn’t reassuring her. Maybe he can buy her flowers or something. He’s better at expressing himself in writing so he decides he can get her a card too.
“That’s fine.” He breathes.
She asks if she can switch the phone over and Chanyeol looks to his wrist. It’s already 7:30 and he doesn’t know when he’ll be home. It could be late.
“Sure.” He agrees and stands up straight, looking uncomfortably at the employee before stepping away.
As soon as he hears the soft voice on the end of the line and melts like the softie that he is. All rushed sentences and half told recounting of a day spent in a world beyond the concrete of this building where he’s perpetually chained. He smiles to himself and hums along, closing his eyes to try to imagine the smile through the excitement.
“Jun, do you want to get ice cream?” He asks.
Cheerfulness explodes on the other end and he chuckles lightly.
“Dad is leaving right now. I’ll see you soon…” He whispers.
His son doesn’t wait to give the phone back to his nanny before hanging up and Chanyeol looks down at the end call screen as it fades to black. This is going to be difficult for Chanyeol because he’s losing a caretaker that he trusts but he realizes at the sound of his son’s voice that this will be devastating for Jun. It’s going to be hard for him to understand why his friend is leaving. Again. Another friend is leaving. All of the important people he’s close to seem to leave him one by one and Chanyeol bites his lower lip with a squint of his eyes. He’s still so small. He doesn’t understand why people leave. He turns back to his employee and smiles.
“Listen… let’s call it a night, huh? I’ll come in tomorrow morning with fresh eyes and we’ll take a look at the report okay?”
Where he needs to be now is home anyways. He needs to do research into child care and find out what he’s going to do next. Maybe the nanny agency has someone who can take over on short notice… Or maybe they’ll wait list him again. He gathers his overcoat from his desk and slides his laptop into his briefcase, locking the desktop computer for the night.
The rows of cubicles are empty but for a few heads illuminated by the bright overhead lights. They greet him one by one as he passes and he diligently urges them not to stay too late and to get home safely but his words mean nothing to them. They are absent in their replies, hollow pleasantries to a superior. He’s only a supervisor on the floor anyway. He’s not that impressive in the dynamics of the office. One step above the base level employees but two steps beneath the director. Mediocre in his small accomplishments but he can’t complain if he can support himself and little Jun.
He takes the train alone, earbuds in place and it’s only at this point that he feels exhaustion start to settle. It starts in his fingertips, a numbness that leaves him grasping a little harder onto the handle of his briefcase so it doesn’t slip away. The sting in his wrists, a prelude to carpal tunnel that he never tries to rectify even though he knows he can try to prevent it with just an adjustment of his posture and his hold on his mouse. His arms feel heavier as the muscles in his shoulders pull in strained knots. His lower back is tense but when he walks through the door and Jun comes running, he scoops him up against the pain and grins. This is a weight he would never tire of, sore as he may ever be.
Small hands reach for his chin, touching the abrasive skin with delight in those round, dark eyes that look at him, glassy and sure from beneath the down of dark lashes. He doesn't seem to mind the dampness of Chanyeol’s coat from where he’d been sprinkled with light rain. Chanyeol strokes his thumb over one pinked cheek and pulls him in to kiss the hair on his forehead. There is only one reason to live in his world and right now that reason smells like baby shampoo. The only good thing that Chanyeol has ever done, the one gift he’s ever truly be awarded that holds value, the only person he can never let down. He kicks off his loafers and carries Jun to the living room where Lisa stands up in her matching red pajama set and greets him.
“He said he was going for Ice Cream with you and he wasn’t allowed to sleep.” She says with false sternness in her tone, hands to her hips.
“Daddy said Ice Cream.” Jun protests, small hands clasping on either side of Chanyeol’s cheeks.
“I did say that. Let me change and we’ll run to Family Mart and grab an ice cream cone.” He says.
“Ice cream?” Jun says. “Ice cream!” He cheers in response to his own question and Chanyeol carries him to his room.
“You’re good for the night, Lisa. I’ll put him down afterwards.” He calls and she replies with thanks gathering her textbooks from the table and excusing herself to her room.
He sets the boy down on the bed and debates whether he should tell Jun about Lisa leaving yet, but decides that he doesn’t want Jun to associate something good being followed by something bad. He should live in a world where ice cream is just ice cream and sadness is only temporary. He slips on jeans and a black knit sweater and grabs his military green raincoat from the closet, pulling the French doors to meet in the middle.
Park Junha slides slowly off of the edge of the bed, standing just over 3 feet tall and runs to his room to get his green raincoat too. The coat with small white polka dots and coral buttons has a frog face on the hood and the little one inside it is all but out the door when Chanyeol comes to the shoebox at the front door. His son is on the ground pulling on his small Romika wellington boots while humming the opening theme to some kids show that he can’t quite name anymore. A distantly familiar song from years back.
“You ready little man?” He asks, pulling worn black sneakers from the cabinet and sliding them on.
“I gots a rain boots.” Jun’s sureness in his decision leads to Chanyeol nodding his head in agreement.
“I see that. Do you think Daddy should buy some rain boots too?”
“Yes. For the rains.” He replies with an explanation in case Chanyeol needed his reasoning.
“For the rains.” Chanyeol whispers, tightening his laces and reaching for Jun’s hand.
He locks up the front door and feels his back pockets with one hand making sure he grabbed his wallet and phone before dropping his keys into his raincoat pocket. The rain is all but gone now, the streets feeling muggy and damp. It’s past Jun’s bedtime and dark out, just before 8 turns to 9 and the darkness is heavy above. Jun makes a point of walking towards puddles and stepping directly in them knowing that his boots will keep his toes dry which brings him endless excitement. Chanyeol notes that Jun’s blue plaid pajama bottoms are wet and smiles knowing he would have to change after puddle splashing and ice cream but it’s okay. He’ll stay up a little later to take care of it before getting started on his research.
“What kind of ice cream are you going to get?”
Jun steps into another puddle and looks up sheepishly at his father before he answers.
“Straw’erry.” He replies.
“Strawberry? Okay. You think you might want a strawberry cone or a cup of strawberry ice cream?”
Jun swings his arm and pulls Chanyeol’s with it.
“Straw’erry cone.”
He starts to hum to himself while they walk, the humming turning to singing with lyrics that consist of his love for the ice cream;Straw’erry Cone. Straw’erry cone. I like I like Straw’erry cone! Straw’erry cone. Straw’erry cone. One for Jun. One for Daddy. Straw’erry cone.
Jun makes a fancy show of wiping his feet off on the entrance mat to Family Mart when they arrive and Chanyeol laughs lightly, feeling his phone suddenly start to vibrate again. He reaches into his pocket and looks at the display with a wince. Why is his manager calling at this time of night?
“Good evening, sir.” He says as he answers, feeling the weight of his actions to leave early catch up to him all at once.
He doesn’t need ice cream now that his whole body is frozen.
Baekhyun dives down in the cooler, shoving aside endless Melona bars and Snow Ice Seolleim packs to try to find the cones.
“I don’t want a Power Cap, I want an ice cream cone. Why is it that literally nothing goes right for me ever?” He mutters to the frozen plastic bottle ice creams he tosses aside. “I am not about to go to another store. There has to be at least one cone in here!”
He feels a tug on his shirt tail and stops plowing through frozen sweets to turn his head but sees nobody. He keeps his hands busy for another minute when he feels someone pat his thigh. He bolts upright and covers his chest when he notices a small person at his side. He shivers from the cold as he detaches from the freezer and watches the small child push the step stool to the side of the ice cream machine. He leans down into the ice cream machine and Baekhyun looks around for a mother or guardian and tilts his head in confusion. Stepping around the child he reaches into the ice lined freezer to start scooping handfuls of ice cream aside again, a considerably less hurried movement as he remains conscious of the munchkin joining his quest. He starts picking up different types of ice cream and holding them up to the child as he notices the little one struggling to reach. The boy shakes his head no to each flavor and he continues to dig down to the bottom.
Suddenly Baekhyun finds a strawberry ice cream cone and his hand lunges for it, pulling it up with great enthusiasm.
“Ah ha!” He calls out, pulling it from beneath a Cham Bungeo Ssamanko package.
His victory is short lived however because the child grabs the package from his hand quickly and starts to hop down from the step stool.
“Hey… hey wait, no, that one is mine!” He calls, half tripping over the short stool as he runs after the kid, slipping on the wet floor as he goes.
His Adidas slipper foot slides in one direction as he rounds the corner and his legs start to split when an arm comes around his waist suddenly. He stays securely in place, grasping onto a strong arm as he stands suspended in air.
“Oops. Be careful.” A thick voice mumbles and Baekhyun looks up into florescent lights for a moment.
He’s blinded by the luminescence, feeling weightless and secure. He’s not sure who saved him from a slippery wipeout but he’s thankful. He wants to express gratitude when the head of the man slides into view, eclipsing the magnificence. He waits for his eyes to adjust and opens his mouth to speak when the man comes into focus. Color spills over the apples of his cheeks as onyx rain brushed hair spills forward over the man’s face. Baekhyun stays gaping for too long at the man with his cut jaw and wide eyes. He looks panicked for a second and mumbles into the receiver of his phone but Baekhyun can’t make out the sound.
“Are you okay?” He asks.
“I…”
Baekhyun is fine in theory. He should be fine, and yet… He can see the shadowed space between the collar of the man’s sweater and the prominence of his collarbone, and in that dark space, Baekhyun’s train of thought falters. His breath smells thick with coffee even though it’s late at night and Baekhyun feels nervous and unsure of his words as he tries to string together a mature sentence of any coherence.
“I’m…”
“Daddy, Straw’erry cone’s gonna be too hot.”
The tall man holding onto Baekhyun looks away and down and Baekhyun remembers the child at once.
“My ice cream!” He says suddenly and fumbles awkwardly to stand on his own while grasping onto Chanyeol’s bicep.
His foot slips once more and he holds on too tightly to the man before stumbling back towards the register. He flips his hair from his eyes and stares in awe for another moment. Where did someone like this come from? Where could he find a man like this in real life, all hard lines and soft swells of strength.
“He…” Baekhyun feels slightly nervous and indicates the child in green. “He stole my ice cream.”
Chanyeol looks down at the little boy who cowers behind him and then sighs.
“Hold on.” He breathes to Baekhyun, husky and apologetic before turning back to his phone call. “Yes sir. I’m still here. We’ll get that report reformatted tomorrow before close of business… Yes, sir… “
He squats before Baekhyun to get eye level with the child at his side and Baekhyun feels an irrational pull at his heart. What an odd feeling for a grown man to have, a tightening in his chest against a small child’s whims. This is a pointless squabble but he has no emotional ties to the handsome stranger and he’s had a terrible day. Actually, it’s been a terrible, miserable week culminating in an awful, stressful night and he deserves this ice cream cone. He deserves it more than this kid. He deserves something sweet.
Chanyeol ends his call and turns to the little one who has tears welling in his eyes.
“Did you take his ice cream?” He asks.
The little boy sticks his bottom lip out and nods his head.
“Straw’erry…” The child whispers.
Baekhyun realized that his resolve is crumbling and he feels guilt over stealing an ice cream from a beautiful child.
“But did you steal it, Jun? If it’s not yours, you can’t have it.”
One fat tear falls over his cheek and Baekhyun rolls his eyes. He obviously can’t take it now, just based on the fact that there are tears involved. It’s not worth dampening a child’s happiness even if he is a stranger. His pride won’t let him be the asshole stranger that stole a child’s tear-worthy ice cream.
The child holds out the ice cream cone to Baekhyun and he takes it gingerly with a smile.
“Thank you.”
The child continues to pout and cry and his father wipes away the tears with quick finger strokes.
“I’m sorry, it’s my fault. I promised him ice cream and got him all riled up. It’s past his bedtime and he’s really tired.” He straightens up as he apologizes.
Baekhyun drops down before the child and he tucks himself further behind his father.
“Your name is Jun?” He asks.
The child doesn’t acknowledge him.
“There was only one left and you just really wanted this, huh?”
“It’s really okay. The 7-eleven is right down the street. He and I can go check out, really.”
Baekhyun holds out the ice cream to the boy again and he peeks out with hopeful eyes. Little fists swat at his full lashes and he steps towards Baekhyun hesitantly.By god, that’s a pretty child. He thinks, Jun is the perfect poster for heartbreak in those dark, round eyes alone.
“Don’t cry.” Baekhyun whispers softly.
Hesitant and nervous as if Baekhyun might be lying to him, he reaches for the ice cream.
“What do you say, Jun?”
“Thank’ou.” The small one lets out on a whimper.
“You’re welcome.” Baekhyun replies.
He looks at the Father, who seems relieved that his son isn’t crying anymore and realizes he’s way too invested in the child’s parent than he should be a stranger.
Was he looking for thanks? Approval? Why is he looking at the man again?
He stands back up and walks to the freezer, grabbing a damned Melona bar and turns back towards the register. The strikingly handsome man is waiting for him there, his body turned towards him with an inviting smile like they’ve known one another for years instead of a minute.
“Let me buy that.” He offers with assertion and Baekhyun declines weakly.
Weak in so many ways to the man’s expression of gratitude. The man opens Jun’s ice cream in one tear of paper and hands it down to the little one and Baekhyun hands the Melona bar to Chanyeol. Without hesitation Chanyeol opens the ice cream for Baekhyun as well and extends it to him. Baekhyun takes the ice cream with a sheepish expression and lowers his gaze.
“Thank you.” Baekhyun starts to walk out and turns back to the little family. The tall man gives him a magnificent grin and Baekhyun turns quickly to escape into the night before he does something stupid like talk to him again.
Single gay men don’t need to linger on straight fathers with kids for too long. No need to check for a ring. The answer will still be the same. He should get away as quickly as possible and never look back. Only bad things can come from these stray thoughts and flutters. The last thing he needs is another complication in his troubled path.
Chanyeol stares down at his hands as he walks home. His fingers are turning red and raw, the rain coming sideways under the umbrella and soaking him. He wonders what the point is of even carrying the thing at this point if it’s not even keeping him dry. Hell, maybe some cold rain would feel good on the top of his head. But he knows better. He can’t afford to get a cold. He needs to think about Jun now more than ever and getting sick would be a great excuse to not find child care and a better excuse for his superiors to take their chance to replace him. Thankfully Junmyeon agreed to pick Junha up from his preschool and take him to his house for the night. But that’s not something he can do forever. He imposed today but what about tomorrow? And the next day? He swallows too hard though his throat is dry and digs his nails into his palm leaving white pressure indentation. There are a hundred reasons why he should quit his job and find something with more conducive hours to being a single parent and bread winner. But the money is so good... He can afford to set aside money for Jun’s future this way and give him a comfortable life in the process. He can’t stand the idea of having to move Jun into a smaller place and put hardships on him like wondering why he can’t eat meat with his meals anymore or having to play with broken toys because his parents can’t afford to replace them. Chanyeol had grown up that way.
Sure, it built character, but he can’t stand the idea of his son worried or wondering such dark things at such an early age.
If there’s anything he can do, he wants to do it. He wants to offer him the best life he can for as long as he can. But he’s running out of options these days, and until the nanny agency finds a replacement, he’s going to have to make due in any way he can. The sky crackles with thunder following a bright flash and he stops walking, realizing that it struck pretty close by. He looks up at the dark night sky peeking through the canopy of heavy black electric lines in the narrow street, heavy clouds in dark grey are low as they spill a downpour of cold precipitation that pops up off of the ground below as they crash down. He looks over at the pounding bass line from a club and debates going in for a drink for a second too long. It’s these long days with heavy burdens that make him long for a drink or someone to come home to other than just his Junha. One drink can’t hurt, right? He can afford a few hours to himself with a Jim and co*ke on rocks. He’s going to be home alone after all with Junha out at Junmyeon's. It might help to loosen him up so that he can brain storm a little better. It might…
The frosted glass door slides open with such force that he startles and staggers backwards into a puddle, soaking his dress loafers and nylon socks. Before he has time to pull his shoe off and dump out the water from his Gucci Jordaan blue leather shoes and assess the damage possibly done to his favorite seven-hundred-dollar work shoe, he’s left staggering back again as a large object is hurled into the wet street in his direction. His umbrella hits the phone pole and pulls free from his hands, falling to the ground and the rain comes down freely on his gelled hair and suited shoulders.
“Get the hell out!” Someone calls and he sees people huddled in the doorway watching as a man is forcefully pushed from inside.
He stumbles on the step leading to the establishment and falls forward, braced on his forearms as he protects his face from the hard ground. He doesn’t stay down long, sitting up and scrambling to grab the object hurled toward Mr. Park which he can make out to be a duffel bag.
“You have no reason to fire me! I work hard!” The man yells.
“You can’t live in my bar!”
“Fine! I’ll stop staying in the locker room! But let me keep my job!”
The man in the doorway, cheeks red and hair thin on top shakes his head no.
“You should have thought of that the last time I told you to get your sh*t out of here!” He yells and the sky flashes again overhead with a spike of lightning.
Chanyeol counts slowly and makes it to three before thunder rumbles loudly, shaking the ground. It’s definitely close by. He steps back and grabs the umbrella from the ground, lifting it overhead despite already being soaked.
“Please!” The man on the ground calls, as red seeps through his white shirt, clearly skinned by his hard fall on the ground.
The man starts to close the glass door and stops, looking down at the man a moment longer.
“Don’t just sit there. Get the hell out of here or I’ll report you to the cops for trespassing and loitering?” He says.
Chanyeol steps forward towards the man as the door is slammed closed and reaches down for him.
“Are you… okay?”
The short man swats his hand away without looking up and Chanyeol stills at the sight of his profile. He looks vaguely familiar. Not even just a little either. The harder he stares, the more the man makes him think about where he knows him from. He’s not an employee…
“Hey… Do I know…”
He’s not a neighbor…
“I don’t need your sympathy!” The small man says and starts to climb to his feet.
Chanyeol cups a hold of the man’s elbow to help him stand even though he’s pushed him off once. He doesn’t swat him this time but once he’s to his feet, he carefully retracts his arm away.
He’s not a former class mate…
Chanyeol looks at the watery red left on his hand and then at the young man again.
“Thank you, I’m sorry. But I’m really okay…” The boy starts to say and looks up for the first time.
Chanyeol tilts the umbrella over his head and watches a slow recognition cross his features.
“You’ve got to be kidding me…” He whispers.
Looking up at him with his mouth slightly agape, Chanyeol finally places the man from his memory.
“Strawberry ice cream?” Chanyeol asks.
The man closes his mouth and looks down quickly, grabbing his duffel bag and trudging off wordlessly.
“Wait!” Chanyeol calls. “Wait, what’s your name?”
He keeps walking away in the rain without stopping and Chanyeol almost gives up on him when he stops. With arms are crossed tightly over his body, he shivers slightly as lightning illuminates the hazy clouds overhead for a second.
“Baekhyun.” He calls, rain washing his bangs into his eyes. “My name is Baekhyun.”
Chanyeol smiles, crossing the space between them as thunder roars.
“Come on, Baekhyun. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
“It’s fine. I’m really fine.” He mumbles.
“I just want to take you to get bandaged up and checked out.”
He shakes out his hair and Chanyeol tilts to umbrella over his head again, reaching to wipe the bangs from his eyes. The man stills under his gentle touch, eyes squeezing shut.
“Please? It’s the least I can do.”
The boy’s eyes open again and Chanyeol realizes just how deep his gaze is. The loud stuttering of rain is a roar around the two of them as he stares up at Chanyeol, nose red from the cold, skin paled, mouth set in a tight line.
“I can’t pay for a visit to the hospital.” He finally admits.
“I’ve got it covered. Come on.”
Surprisingly, he doesn’t further protest. He’s docile at his side, nodding his head thankfully and walking with Chanyeol towards the hospital. He isn’t really sure if Baekhyun trusts Chanyeol because they briefly met before or because they’re walking to a public place with lots of people. Maybe he just trusts people easily. Maybe he’s just desperate. But regardless the specific reason, he feels useful being able to help someone and he’s happy to walk the man to the hospital. There’s a part of him that feels like this was some kind of cosmic gift and he’s not sure what purpose this meeting serves, but it feels like fate. When they arrive, the hospital staff offers them blankets and Baekhyun looks at him nervously, refusing to hold his gaze again.
“I can try to pay you back.” He finally says.
“You don’t have to. But if that makes you feel better, you can. Really, I’m just worried you’re seriously hurt.”
Baekhyun doesn’t respond. He stares at the clean laminate floor with a hard expression.
“Mr. Byun?”
A nurse comes in and bows to both of them and sits down on a roller stool with a silver cart rolling at her side.
“Hi, I’m going to take care of you today.” She says kindly. “Excuse me for just a moment.”
She pulls his arms gingerly forward and inspects him before grabbing the tweezers and picking small black rocks from the cuts in his forearm and elbow. Chanyeol sits down next to Baekhyun, pulling a stool up and looking over at him.
“Are you his guardian?” The nurse asks.
“No.” Baekhyun says too quickly.
“I’m a friend.” Chanyeol offers and watches the woman drape a towel over Baekhyun’s chest and lap and flushing out the scrape with a saline rinse. “Does it hurt?”
Baekhyun shakes his head no, focusing on the nurse intently. His features are delicate and doll like, his mouth small but full as he pouts. He seems to be wincing despite his assurance that it doesn’t hurt like a stubborn child. She swabs his arms with gauze pads, covering with a bandage and winding gauze tape to secure the bandaging in place. The nurse asks him to do a series of tests flexing his fingers and bending his joints before doing a manual examination and pressing along the bones. She asks if he’s experiencing any pain and he shakes his head again.
“Maybe an x-ray to be safe?” Chanyeol offers.
“I’m really fine.” He replies.
The nurse asks him to sign release forms stating he’s refusing x-ray examination and then tells him she’s going to process his outpatient paperwork for discharge, leaving them alone. He watches the man carefully; his hair is starting to curl along the edges where it’s drying. He seems to be very uncomfortable being with Chanyeol.
“Hey... Listen, I know you don’t like me very much and I must seem overbearing… But, I just would feel better if I knew you weren’t going to be on the street in the rain tonight.”
Baekhyun picks at his thumb nail, his lips tight once more like he’s sealing his mouth as not to speak without thinking.
“I… I’ll really be okay.” He says after a moment, sounding like he might be talking more to himself than Chanyeol from the low volume.
“Do you…” Chanyeol wipes the back of his neck nervously and Baekhyun looks over at him again, making him sweat under his downturned questioning gaze. “Uh… Do you want to maybe come to my place? Just… Just for one night?”
Baekhyun’s cheeks color and he seems to turn to stone. He’s so paralyzed that Chanyeol almost worries if he’s even still breathing and he tries to quickly backtrack.
“Right… No, that’s dumb. Sorry.” Chanyeol corrects quickly.
“That’s very nice of you to offer. But really… I’ll be okay.”
Chanyeol nods his head, feeling embarrassed. His skin is hot suddenly and he loosens his tie to unbutton his top button.
“Yeah… Um… Sorry, you don’t even know me. That’s weird, right? I’m sorry. I just… I don’t like the idea of you being on the street. Can I at least pay for you to stay at a sauna tonight?”
Baekhyun’s eyes transfix on Chanyeol’s profile as he sits quietly.
“Why are you doing all of this for me? Is this over me giving up that stupid ice cream? You paid for my ice cream, we were all squared away already. What exactly do you want from me?”
Chanyeol’s mouth slips open and he starts to speak before stopping and running his fingers through his hair.
“I… I um… I’m sorry.” He says softly. “I’m sorry it’s just that… You remember my son?”
Baekhyun nods quietly.
“His nanny just quit. And… God, this sounds so stupid but, I’m really struggling to figure out what to do about it. The child care agency I use that contracts a nanny for me told me they don’t have anyone available for me for a few months. I could go to another agency, I know that… But I haven’t found another agency that works on my time frames and have someone immediately available. And I can’t keep asking my friends for help with Jun.”
“What does that have to do with me?” Baekhyun asks. “Not to be rude or anything, but am I somehow connected to that?”
Chanyeol laughs lightly and reaches over to place his hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder for a half a second before removing it just as casually.
“No. No it doesn’t have anything to do with you but… I’m just facing so many problems that don’t have an easy answer. But these are circ*mstances that I can help with. I can pay a hospital bill. I can pay for a night at a sauna. And I just…”
“So, you’re using me to make yourself feel better?”
Chanyeol’s mouth pulls tight and he looks up into Baekhyun’s eyes.
“I guess I am.”
Baekhyun scratches behind his ear but he doesn’t look upset about it.
“I don’t like saunas. I got lice from the sauna once.”
Chanyeol doesn’t try to explain himself any further. He accepts the rejection and feels the guilt of his actions, trying to place himself in Baekhyun’s place and figure out how he must be feeling.
“Where do you live?” Baekhyun asks tentatively as the nurse comes back into the room.
Chanyeol looks over at him in shock. Is he reconsidering? Is he coming home with Chanyeol? What does Chanyeol know of this boy? He stares intently at the man, presumably for too long judging from the increasing hesitance in Baekhyun’s expression. Chanyeol is unsure why his heart is suddenly beating so fast at such a simple question or maybe it’s the unusually appealing idea of the pretty boy stranger standing in his apartment that has his pulse quickening.
The apartment is so much nicer than he thought it would be. It looks more like an upper east side New York City flat on a tv show than a place where a real person lives. The walls are an egg shell color with all dark cherry wood trim matching hardwood floors. He can tell the floors are heated as soon as he steps out of his shoes and his toes wriggle around contently. There are windows that start at the ceiling and come down the walls to waist height with spacious window box seats lined with plants. The couches look and feel like suede, in a warm earthy tan color with black throws hung neatly along the back and full coal colored pillows. The round dark wood coffee table has no hard edges and there is a soft black rug on the floor. It drips money and it feels very professional, but it doesn’t look like anyone lives here, especially not a child.
Chanyeol walks to the quartz fireplace and turns it on, ushering Baekhyun over and telling him to sit down. Despite being stunned into a daze by the luxury of his surroundings, he manages to follow instructions. Chanyeol is in the open kitchen on the other side of the island bar now and he watches the man start the Keurig with a fresh pod, grabbing two glass mugs from the cupboard. Baekhyun shakes his head in awe that people actually live like this. It feels like a museum or a staged set. It’s foreign and uncomfortable even though the couch is soft and the fabric is buttery smooth.
“Do you want cream or sugar?”
Baekhyun realizes it’s too late to reject the coffee as he watches the handsome man pull one pod free and put another one in for himself and start the cup.
“Sugar, please. Lots of it.”
Chanyeol chuckles and brings the whole glass jar of sugar with a spoon along with the hot cup of coffee.
“Help yourself.” He says kindly and sets it on the coffee table.
“Thank you.”
He waves his hand as if to say it’s nothing and goes to fetch his own mug from the kitchen.
“So, you can stay in the nanny suite. It’s right over there behind that door. It has an on suite private bath and it’s all yours. Do you need to dry your clothes or wash anything?”
Baekhyun gets to his feet to face Chanyeol as he comes back into the room, and he takes in the breadth of his shoulders in his button-down shirt. It’s completely different than the rain coat from before or the look of him from earlier now that his wool coat is tossed over the back of the couch. He changes with every new outfit and each is just as appealing as the last.
“You… You’re doing too much.” He says.
Chanyeol laughs lightly and raises one brow as he sits on the edge of the couch.
“Maybe.” He agrees, voice deep and raspy. “But I think we’ve established I’m using you to make myself feel better. And I need a lot of cheering up right now.”
He raises the mug to his lip and scrunches his face on the first sip.
“Hot.” He whispers, but takes another sip.
Baekhyun slowly sinks back down on the couch next to the man. The fire is starting to radiate warmth now and he takes hold of the mug, holding the rim of the glass. He doesn’t sip it but he does breathe in the roasted coffee scent. It fills him with a fullness that warms him from the inside. They don’t speak at first but he doesn’t feel the need to say anything immediately. He instead studies Chanyeol. His jaw is strong but not bony or angular. It looks a bit rougher than the first time he saw him and he wonders what he means when he says he needs a lot of cheering up. Why did their nanny leave again? Was it a breakup? Is he married? Divorced? Why is he wondering these things? Why is he even here?
“What if I’m a murderer?” Baekhyun says softly.
Chanyeol’s sudden girthy laugh takes Baekhyun off guard. He sets down his mug and looks over with eyes that glisten.
“What if you’re a murderer?”
Baekhyun bristles slightly and sits up straighter.
“Why is that so funny? Is it because I’m smaller than you?” He asks, defiant despite being indebted.
Chanyeol suddenly puts his hand down on the seat beside Baekhyun, he faces him with his eyes narrowed and crosses the space until his face is only inches away. He looks directly into Baekhyun’s eyes and Baekhyun stops breathing. His heart pummels, loud beats echoing in his ears as he looks at the handsome man with too much expectation.
“I think I could take you,” He whispers. “Besides your eyes are kind.”
He sits back and Baekhyun forces breaths again looking away too quickly.
“I… you know… listen, don’t underestimate me based on my size.”
“Should I be worried?” He asks, smiling still as he reaches for the mug once more.
“Maybe you should be. People don’t just bring homeless strangers to their apartment. A self-preservation instinct should kick in at some point.” Baekhyun grumbles.
Not that he would do anything to this man. And maybe it’s his own distrustful self-preservation instinct that’s warning him not to get too comfortable. Or maybe it’s the fact that he knows he’s attracted to the man and he feels this thick sexual tension between them that the other just doesn’t sense at all.
“All right, settle down little baby killer. You got me. I’m not saying you’re not a threat. As long as you don’t kill me or do drugs, you’re not a threat to me. I guess in theory you could rob me. But I’m sure there are cameras at the hospital so it wouldn’t be very smart. Why? Are you feeling inspired to kill me now?”
Baekhyun swallows hard and blows on his coffee.
“Maybe a little.” He says, looking up at Chanyeol over the rim of his coffee cup as he takes a sip.
Chanyeol’s left eye brow co*cks and he nods his head thoughtfully.
“Not to continue on with this morbid dialogue of what is hopefully theoretical teasing but, you’re not the first person who’s been negatively affected in my presence and thought about killing me. Jun’s mother was like that too. She turned into a complete psycho so I can’t say I’m not practiced in handling these kinds of threats.”
Baekhyun can’t help himself. Something about the soft ambiance of the fireplace burning with low lights, the sweet smell of the sugary coffee or the warmth of it on his tongue makes him relax. He genuinely laughs, low and soft, and they exchange a warm glance of amusem*nt.
“To clarify, I should or should not sleep with a weapon in case you attack?” He asks.
Baekhyun watches his mouth as he speaks and decides he’s definitely on the verge of attacking this man but not with the intent to kill. He thinks briefly about what it might feel like to touch his jaw, feel the coarseness under his fingertips, before abruptly pulling himself out of that tantalizing fantasy.
“You don’t need to sleep with a weapon.” He says.
“Which is exactly what a serial killer would say to soothe my worry.” Chanyeol murmurs. “Better I’m safe than sorry.”
Baekhyun rolls his eyes and they’re laughing again.
To be completely fair, this wouldn’t be the first time Baekhyun’s gone home with a stranger. He’s been to bars and been picked up by guys before. This isn’t too different. And Chanyeol is a father and there is evidence of them being together. Black box footage from the street and no doubt security footage everywhere. Rationally, he knew he should question the generosity of strangers. But the real reason he’s been so worked up is because he’s not scared of the man like he should be. He should be running away from him, but there’s something about the tenderness in his touch and his worried gaze that puts him at ease. Maybe this is what they call a father complex, but his paternal aura of caring and consideration is just so inviting. And safe. Illogically and unfounded, he makes him feel safe.
“I have an early morning.” Chanyeol says. “I really shouldn’t be drinking coffee at this time of night.”
“I’ll get out of your hair as soon as morning comes, I promise.” Baekhyun clarifies.
“Don’t worry about it. You can stay here for a day if you need to figure out a place to go. I’m not going to throw you out on the street. Plus, that room isn’t getting used right now.”
Baekhyun nods his head and looks at the door with hesitation, and the man at his side seems to pick up on it and gets to his feet.
“Actually, let me make sure I put the bed back together. I bought new bedding but I don’t remember if I made up the bed.” He excuses himself and walks to the room, turning on the light switch easily.
Baekhyun waits a moment before following and finds the bed perfectly made already in the middle of the room. A full-sized bed with a soft comforter that calls to him more than he could admit. When was the last time he slept on a bed? Not couches, not benches in locker rooms, not inflatable mattresses, but a real bed. Chanyeol is by the window, pulling the blinds closed and turning on the bedside lamp to check that it works before turning it back off. Baekhyun turns his gaze to the rest of the spacious room with his mouth open agape. Chanyeol sets down his coffee on the white dresser and walks to the bathroom, turning on the light and checking for towels, toilet paper, soap and shampoo. Baekhyun watches him absently and leans against the door frame, feeling the same warmth wash through him that the coffee ignited.
“You should be good to go.” He says.
“You must be a really good Dad.”
Chanyeol freezes, his face falling almost immediately.
“No. I’m… I’m the worst.” He says. “I’m never here for him. I’m always at work. He lives with a nanny most of the time.”
Baekhyun looks around the room and shrugs.
“Maybe. But look at what you give him. He has a little castle here. I’m sure he knows you love him. And besides, I saw the way he ran to you and hid behind you at the convenience store. He feels safe with you too.”
Chanyeol crosses the room to stand toe to toe with Baekhyun.
“Too?” He asks.
Baekhyun bites his lip and looks up at him, eyes searching for some sign that this man can feel this current between them too. He must have some idea of what Baekhyun is feeling to keep coming in so close. Chanyeol strokes the bangs from Baekhyun’s eyes and he feels the barely there touch like a jolt of lightning once more, just the same as the first time he did it under the umbrella together.
“Too.” He repeats, eyes boring into Chanyeol’s now.
He gets to his toes, unsure and nervous and reaches up. Chanyeol looks surprised but not uncomfortable by the forwardness. Baekhyun weighs the pros and cons of his actions. He thinks about the inviting bed and the possibility of sleeping so soundly there. He wraps his arms around the man’s shoulders, just barely reaching on his tiptoes.
“Thank you.” He says.
He breathes in the smell of the man’s cologne and relaxes into his warm chest. It’s too dangerous to be this close to him, he should have resisted the temptation altogether. And as these thoughts start to sink in, he feels Chanyeol’s arms slowly wind around him, bringing his shoulders down so that he doesn’t have to strain.
“You’re welcome.”
Baekhyun closes his eyes and sinks further into him, the weight of the man’s arms pressing in against his waist is sinful. He really can’t promise not to attack him now. His scent, his warmth, and the sound of his words breathed so low. He’s never been this close to a man this good before. He suddenly feels like he’s been slumming it with his exes, and not just because they weren’t worth his time in the end. But then he remembers that this man is straight. He’s not a viable option. He loosens his hold and Chanyeol reluctantly follows his lead. They pull apart and he drops his hold on Chanyeol but the man holds his waist in place and stares down at him.
“Thank you. I needed that.”
“A hug?”
Chanyeol laughs nervously and nods his head.
“Yeah… I can’t remember the last time someone gave me a hug. Other than Jun, you know? I don’t know the last time someone my size, a proper adult, actually gave me a hug. It’s nice, isn’t it?”
Baekhyun stumbles on his words, opening and closing his mouth without being able to say anything. Chanyeol lets go of his waist and steps from the room.
“Let me bring you something to sleep in.” He offers.
He nods his head so as not to seem rude and clutches the doorframe as the man walks away. Nice? It was beyond nice. It was so much more than nice. He tries to still his heart and walks back to the living room to grab his duffel bag, running into Chanyeol on the way back to the room.
“Oh, by the way, we can totally wash this and dry everything if you want.” He says.
Baekhyun reluctantly hands over the duffel bag, feeling too indebted to the handsome stranger, but not having the energy to keep fighting his kindness at this point.
What is wrong with him? It’s completely out of his character to just hug strangers like that. Baekhyun looked traumatized standing there in his arms and he held onto him until it was uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because he thinks Baekhyun is actually pretty cool. He’s handsome and fun to talk to and surprisingly playful. He compares him to the guy in the convenience store and realizes he’s exactly who he thought he was. He’s actually very thoughtful, processing the repercussions of things in advance and choosing his moves carefully. He hits the snooze button for the second time and rolls over in his bed, feeling the spacious king is unusually lonely this morning after having been reminded what it feels like to hold someone.
He still doesn’t have someone to stay with Jun tonight while he’s at work and he’s avoided the message showing he has an unread text from Junmyeon since the night before. He grabs his phone and sits up with a long sigh before clicking the bubble and reading:Hey! I’m going to take him to preschool tomorrow morning. Let me know if you need me to pick him up. Try to let me know before noon if you can since I’ll have to push back an appointment and I don’t want to be charged one of their dumb penalty fees lol Stay dry out there man!
He can’t keep imposing on Junmyeon like this. He has to think of something long term. And sure, Junmyeon never minds. He’s Jun’s godfather and he’s always been so good to Jun. But even still, he doesn’t like feeling like a bad parent to Jun. He wants to solve this problem. He goes out into the living room as his alarm sounds again and he turns it off this time, walking to the kitchen to start a pod of coffee in the Keurig. He looks at the two mugs washed and sitting in the drying rack and smiles to himself. Baekhyun must have washed them last night. He drags his feet walking to the laundry room and finds that Baekhyun’s clothes are already tumbling in the dryer. Maybe he woke up early? He goes to the Nanny suite and almost knocks but the door is already open. He presses lightly on the door and finds that the bed is already made.
“Baekhyun?”
He wanders back over to the other wing of the house where his room is and stops at Jun’s door when he hears soft clatter. Carefully he presses on the door and peeks inside of the room.
“Baekhyun?”
The man peeks over and smiles sheepishly.
“Hey, good morning. Did I wake you up?”
Chanyeol steps in, mussing up his unstyled hair as he looks around. Baekhyun continues putting the toys away in the toy box.
“You don’t have to clean like this.”
“I owe you a lot, and this is nothing.” Baekhyun replies matter of factly. “Besides, I like organization. It looks like it’s ordered by the type of toy in each toy box. Action figures, stuffed animals, make believe props. It’s not hard to figure out since there are labels on each bin.”
Chanyeol watches him another moment and then gets to his knees.
“You know what would really help me out?”
Baekhyun looks nervous suddenly and he pulls the oversized shirt up over his shoulder again where it slipped aside.
“What?”
“If you could get Jun from school today and stay with him until I get home.”
Baekhyun’s brows raise.
“What?”
Chanyeol grabs one of Baekhyun’s hands and holds it in between his own.
“I really… I would really be indebted to you.”
“Chanyeol. I… No. I can’t. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Really. But that was just you. This is your son. I can’t be held accountable for anything that might happen to him.”
“It’s really not a big deal. I’ll pay for the cab fare there and back. You just have to order a cab, go to the school, pick him up and come right back here. I’ll order a pizza. I trust you--”
“Why?”
Baekhyun stands up quickly and walks to the doorway and pauses.
“Why would you trust me with your most important person?”
Chanyeol holds his head in his hands, not answering. Of course he wouldn’t say yes. Most people would refuse. Sane people, anyway. And he’s right. He can’t just trust a stranger. And even though he doesn’t feel like a stranger, even though he’s been helpful and kind, he is still a stranger.
“You’re right. It was a stupid idea. Just, forget it. I’ll… I’ll ask my friend to do it again.”
Baekhyun gives him an approving dip of the chin before silently walking away. Chanyeol remains on the floor, picking up a Captain America doll and tossing it into the toy chest next to him. He notices the labels and feels lost. He knows he didn’t label the toy boxes, which means the nanny must have. When? When did this happen? How long have these labels been here? He’s been in this room thousands of times to check on Jun after he’s gone to bed and to help him pick out an outfit. But he’s never noticed something so basic and small. He swallows hard and texts Junmyeon letting him know he’d appreciate it.
He picks up the few remaining toys and puts them away before leaving the room, closing the door behind him and holding onto the handle for a lingering moment.
“Hey.”
He turns at Baekhyun’s voice with a smile and realizes the man has already packed his duffel bag.
“You don’t have to leave yet.”
Baekhyun tries to keep his expression neutral but he can read the uncertainty there. He can’t blame the guy for fleeing. Chanyeol has been acting strange and he doesn’t even have an answer as to why.
“I need to find somewhere to go and I know it won’t be easy.” Baekhyun offers a smile but it’s weak.
“Sure… Yeah. No, I understand completely. That makes sense.”
Baekhyun turns on his heel and walks towards the door quickly and Chanyeol watches feeling numb and powerless. He really would prefer if Baekhyun stayed at the apartment while he looked for somewhere to go. It doesn’t seem like he has anywhere to go. And besides, he saw Baekhyun’s phone in his duffel bag the night before, the screen cracked and completely wet. It wouldn’t even turn on though that could also be a drained battery.
“Wait!” He calls, stopping Baekhyun and running back to his room. “Hold on just a second.”
He comes back with his wallet and grabs his business card and hands it over.
“What’s this?”
“Just… Just in case you don’t find somewhere. You can call me or just come back here. My Jun isn’t going to be home again tonight anyway since my friend will be watching him likely so… Don’t be somewhere unsafe or wet tonight.”
He holds out money too but Baekhyun takes the business card and pushes the hand holding the money back towards Chanyeol’s chest.
“Thanks, but this is enough. I wanted to repay you anyway.”
Chanyeol is reluctant to put the money back. He grabs another card from his wallet and holds it out.
“How about this instead? It’s a gift card to Subway. My coworkers bought it for me and I’ve had it since Christmas and haven’t used it.”
Baekhyun stares at the yellow card for a moment and starts to decline but Chanyeol pushes the card into his hand insistently.
“Please. I’ll really worry if I think you’re homeless and have no way to eat some kind of normal meal.”
“Okay.” He agrees and takes the gift card too, tucking both into the back pocket of his denims.
“And one more thing.”
Baekhyun rolls his eyes.
“You’re really persistent with this savior thing.”
“Take an umbrella.”
Baekhyun heaves a sigh and walks towards the door.
“It would just be foolish to say no at this point. That’s being practical.” Chanyeol tries to convince him, following behind him. “You just washed all of your clothes too. Also--”
“Fine. Fine. Hand it over.” He growls with irritation but Chanyeol finds a smile on his face.
He pulls out a clear plastic umbrella and extends it to Baekhyun. He accepts it graciously and thanks him despite having protested and Chanyeol feels just a little better. Standing in his plaid pajama pants with a white tee shirt on, he feels strangely disheartened to see the man go, and maybe not just because he’s worried about him but also because he already considers him to be a friend.
“Hey Baekhyun...”
Baekhyun turns around again and points the whole umbrella at Chanyeol.
“You’re driving me crazy. What? What? What is it now?”
Chanyeol opens up his arms and shrugs lightly.
“One more?”
If the man is uncomfortable with the idea, he doesn’t show it. He smiles warmly and walks right into his embrace.
“That I can accept.” He whispers, wrapping his arms firmly around Chanyeol’s waist this time, crushing his face to him.
Chanyeol feels it again, something achy in his chest when he wraps his arms around him. There’s no explanation for it, but he feels strangely content and comfortable. And when Baekhyun pulls away, he can’t help but linger, this time with his hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders.
“I really mean it, Baekhyun. If you don’t find somewhere to go… please, come back. That room is yours for as long as you need it.”
“Your generosity confuses me,” Baekhyun admits, softening his features. “But thank you. I really do appreciate that.”
Chanyeol realizes that for the first time, he can identify one feeling in his chest. It’s barely there, almost missable, but there is a flutter in his chest. He’s really very cute when he smiles.
He walks to the door and unlocks it, turning and waving over his shoulder quickly before he leaves. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel right watching him walk away. He wants to talk to him more, see him smile again. Chanyeol feels conflicted as he heads to his room to get ready for work, his body on autopilot but his brain still replaying the time with Baekhyun over and over again. He doesn’t have to rush to get to work today, not having to take Jun to school cuts his commute time down substantially and this only confirms that he really needs to find a better long-term plan for Jun.
Pulling up the browser on his work computer he scrolls through nanny agencies, looking at reviews and cross referencing them through standard google searches to make sure there aren’t any problems. But his mind keeps coming back to Baekhyun. He keeps thinking about his defiant persistence to do things on his own without anyone’s help. He thinks about the way he looks up at him, eyes flickering like he’s looking for something. He remembers the way his arms feel around him… It wouldn’t be the first time he’s had a crush on a guy after all. It’s just been a long time since he’s felt any kind of interest in someone specific and not just a longing for intimacy in general. He’s had work to deal with and then adding in trying to spend time with Jun to that, but… Baekhyun intrigues him. He wants to know more about him now. Isn’t this how it always starts? Wanting to be around the person more and more? His phone buzzes and he’s pulled from his thoughts by Junmyeon calling.
“Hey, sorry Junmyeon. I’m looking for a nanny agency right now.” He says clicking on the link.
“Woah. Calm down, man. We love having Jun at the house. It’s really not a problem. I know you’re ready for the little tyke to come home though. He misses you too.”
He covers his eyes in one palm.
“I know you say that… But I’m sorry, man. I really want to get this sorted out as quickly as possible and bring him home.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s quiet without Junha running around.”
Chanyeol thinks back to the previous night and clears his throat.
“Actually… last night I ran into a friend on the way home.”
Junmyeon is quiet for a moment and then gives a short, strained chuckle.
“Park Chanyeol, don’t take this wrong way… but do you have other friends?”
He grins and slumps back in his chair, spinning to face the window.
“Uncalled for. But I’ll forgive it because I’m indebted to you. Yes, I have friends. He ran into a bit of a hard time and got roughed up by some thug and I took him to the hospital.”
There’s another silence and he can practically imagine Junmyeon’s face with his brows scrunched up and his eyes narrowed.
“Uh… And again, I really… really don’t mean any offence here but… What kind of friends do you have that get roughed up by thugs?”
What kind of friend is he? That’s a pretty good question.
“He’s a good guy. I’ve never known him to be anything but generous and respectful. He even gave Junha the last ice cream at the convenience store recently. I promise he’s not a gangster or anything.”
“Okay… I mean, I guess that’s good.”
Chanyeol swivels his chair back and forth and laughs.
“Anyway… I’m looking into nanny agencies.”
“Yeah… Hey, why don’t we keep Junha for the rest of the week? It’ll give you some time to figure things out.” Junmyeon offers and he sighs heavily.
“I don’t know about that. I’ve never been apart from him that long.” Chanyeol says, voice feeling tight as it comes out like he’s parched from a long hot day.
He can’t imagine life where he doesn’t come home to Jun. He wants to see those big round eyes lighting up as he runs to him.
“I know. But listen, it’s already midweek. You’ll be off Friday night, you can come by and pick him up and bring him home. That gives you more business time to check things out too. You know he’s no imposition on us, Chanyeol. I really think it would be better if we don’t rush this. For Jun’s safety.”
“Yeah… I’ve been cross referencing things all morning. One of the agencies has a lawsuit pending for child endangerment and they’re still practicing. I just… I thought of asking someone to come stay with me for a while to take care of him but… I don’t know. This is just the worst situation.” Chanyeol sighs.
“I know. I know, Chanyeol. It’s going to be okay. This is temporary.”
He closes out the tabs on his computer and closes his eyes, rocking from side to side in a semi-circle as he brainstorms.
“It’s temporary but I still can’t help but worry that he’s suffering from all of these changes in his life.”
Junmyeon laughs. “Yeah, that’s because you’re a father. You’re Junha’s father. Of course you worry about him.”
He thinks about the labels on the toy boxes and feels deflated again.
“Yeah. I am his dad.”
“You are. Everything is going to be okay. I promise.”
He wants to believe that but it doesn’t change the fact that he can’t stop the crash of inadequacy pulling him down. He feels more and more like a bad father. Baekhyun telling him that he’s a good Dad just made him feel even more that he’s not for some reason. All he could think was “You say that because you don’t know…” Because he rarely sees the little guy as it is. Because every day there are more and more things that he doesn’t get to experience with him. Because he’s growing up too fast now, and he still can’t give him a family…
He stares at the convenience store’s fluorescent lights illuminating the dark wet ground. Seated at one of the plastic tables, he debates what he’s going to do. Option one is to rough it on the streets for a night, option two is to call Chanyeol. He flips the business card around in his hand over and over while he debates. His phone is broken so he has no way of contacting most of his friends to see if he can crash. And the numbers he did remember bailed on him. And that luxurious bed was so… it was so comfortable. Seeing Chanyeol before bed and then waking up to Chanyeol in the morning wasn’t bad either. He looked tenfold more attractive in the morning. His long bangs falling in his eyes, hair sticking up in the back. His chest feeling so solid against his cheek, smelling like sleep and body wash. He hadn’t even heard him take a shower but that probably was for the better. Thinking about Chanyeol naked probably wouldn’t have been healthy for him.
It’s probably unhealthy to even be entertaining the ridiculous notion of going back there. But then he imagines what kind of face he might make if he found out that he slept outside instead of just calling him. It’s already past 11PM anyway. Chances are he’s probably already asleep. Rain starts to tap against the plastic table top and he looks up at the skies above. Maybe this is the universe telling him to call. Or maybe he’s just filling in the option he wants most with special meaning to justify it to himself. He grabs his duffel bag and umbrella and makes his way into the store. The part-time worker looks like a college student, her hair twisted up haphazardly in a sloppy bun and eyes bagged behind horn rimmed glasses. She glances up from the textbook behind the counter and caps the highlighter to welcome him.
“Hey… Can I use the phone?” He asks, trying to look as innocent as possible.
She sniffles and looks at the white dial phone and then back at him with a shake of her head.
“No. You’re going to have to use a payphone. Nobody is allowed behind the counter except staff.”
He nods his head and leans on the counter.
“I guess it won’t reach me over here?”
“Back up off of the counter, Sir. You’re not allowed back here.”
He puts his hands up and backs up.
“Yeah… I’m guessing you don’t happen to have a phone I can borrow?”
She stares blankly at him and he nods his head.
“Yeah, of course. Probably not. Not everyone trusts strangers. Um… So… Is it at all possible that I can give you a phone number and you just call it for me? Is that a thing?”
She shakes her head no and he realizes that he can’t fault her for her behavior since this is literally the same level of distrust he’s grown to have over most scenarios. It’s only Chanyeol that seems to live in an imaginary world of no harm. Rich people are all like that, aren’t they?
“I know this isn’t your problem and you’re just trying to do your job. But it’s been raining for days now and I really don’t want to sleep out in the rain. I really need to get in touch with this person, or at least try to call. Please.”
She turns around and sits by her text book, refusing to acknowledge him and he’s pretty sure that the conversation is over. So, it isn’t the universe sending him a sign. Or maybe it is. Maybe the sign is that he needs to quit pining away for a dude with a kid. That’s the most logical explanation obviously.
“What’s the number?”
He turns to the girl, hopeful once again and she seems taken aback by his sudden grin of excitement. Baekhyun pulls the card back from his pocket and reads her the cellphone number printed there. She dials and puts the phone on speaker so he can hear each impossibly slow ring. But there is no answer. The voicemail picks up and she clicks the end call button with a shrug.
“Sorry.”
He pats the counter.
“Yeah, me too. But thanks anyway.”
Isn’t that always how it goes in his life though? A shrill jolt of excitement followed by disappointment? He wanders back outside and lifts the umbrella up overhead, listening to the hard pelt of the water on the plastic. Where does he go now? It almost seems comical that he entertained going back to that place anyway after Chanyeol’s awkward proposal. How he thought that entrusting a stranger with his child was a good idea, Baekhyun can’t possibly figure out. But the desperation on his face was evident. And people hire babysitters all the time, and aren’t they also strangers. Plus, sometimes children babysit children, under the guise that they’re somehow more mature than toddlers at the tender ages of 13 or even 16. He looks to the left and sees a post box ricocheting raindrops violently and then to the right where there is a watery trashcan. Post box or trash can. Which direction would he go.
“Excuse me, sir?”
He turns around and sees the college girl in the doorway to the store and he realizes he must look like a creep loitering around the door.
“Sorry, I was just deciding where to go.” He says apologetically and means it.
“Uh… that dude is calling back...”
He closes the umbrella quickly and ducks back inside with her where she’s holding up her phone with the speaker button illuminated.
“Chanyeol?”
“Baekhyun, is that you?”
Baekhyun sighs in relief and almost reaches for the phone but the girl protectively pulls her phone out of reach.
“Hey, uh, my phone is broken so I couldn’t contact you. I’m borrowing a phone right now.”
Chanyeol starts to comment but is cut off.
“Is that offer still on the table from this morning?”
The girl taps her foot impatiently.
“About you staying here?”
“Yeah, I… I couldn’t find a place today.”
She seems to be just as anxious about the reply as he is, awkwardly standing there, holding out her phone to him.
“So you’re coming back here?” Chanyeol’s voice doesn’t sound excited and Baekhyun eyes the call end button.
Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe he misread the kindness. Maybe he regrets it all now.
“Do you remember how to get here? Do you need me to pick you up?”
Baekhyun looks out at the rain briefly and then at the phone again.
“I… I don’t know how to get there.” He replies, knowing he had a general idea but not wanting to get lost and not have a way to contact him.
“Where are you? I’m coming right now.”
Baekhyun’s heart starts to beat a little faster and he looks at the college student to see if she thought there was something special there too but she just stares at him. After he fails to answer though, she steps in and tells him the address, ending the call with a request that Chanyeol hurry and come get Baekhyun. While he wasn’t sure that Chanyeol would be a great mood when they meet up, late at night with him having nowhere to go and relying on him again, he still finds himself looking forward to the man showing up. And it doesn’t take long before a silver SUV comes to a stop in front of the store. Chanyeol rolls down the window and Baekhyun stumbles forward, mouth falling open at the sight of the man behind the wheel. What is it about forearms that can be so attractive without doing anything special? With a sweater rolled up to his elbow, Baekhyun fixates on the man’s exposed skin too intently and can feel color rising in his face.
“Are you okay?”
Baekhyun nods his head, unsure what words he could come up with, head spinning with the raging hormones that he never can seem to control.
“Get in, Baekhyun.”
He hears Chanyeol unlock the door and crams his bag into the front seat at his feet. Chanyeol reaches over and pulls the bag from the floorboard though and carefully places it on the seat in the back. It’s a small gesture but it’s the kind of thing he’s come to expect from him.
“Let’s go home.” He whispers and Baekhyun can feel himself smiling.
“I didn’t know you have a car.” Baekhyun says, trying to fill the air with something more than his need to reach over and touch Chanyeol.
“Yeah, I rarely use it though. Traffic is hell in the morning, so now that I have to run Junha to school and then get to work, I’ve been using public transit more. I guess that’s not an issue this week though. “
“This week?”
Chanyeol readjusts in his seat, sitting up a little straighter and Baekhyun notices a tightness in his lips. Discomfort maybe.
“Yeah. Junmyeon is watching Junha this week so… I don’t have to worry about that.”
“A friend?”
He bobs his head in confirmation and Baekhyun can tell he’s not feeling the conversation. It’s strange that he finds himself interacting so naturally and comfortable in the front seat like this. It shouldn’t be this normal after one day together but it is. It’s effortless.
“Junha likes your friend?”
Chanyeol chuckles a little and glances at Baekhyun.
“Junmyeon is his God father. We named him the God father before Jun was even born so he’s grown up with him. Junmyeon is… he’s a bit stricter than I am. So I know he loves Junmyeon but I wouldn’t say he likes being there all the time.”
“I guess you really want to bring him home then?”
“Yeah… But I can’t do anything for him right now. I can’t stay home.”
Baekhyun thinks about what it must be like to be apart from a child. He’d had a puppy when he was younger, a little pug that his mother adopted. She was so cute and precious, but she passed away from complications with a sinus infection after a few years. It was really hard for him but that… that wasn’t really the same as a child.
“I’m sorry you had to come pick me up.”
They pull into a garage and Chanyeol turns to Baekhyun for a moment too long.
“It’s not a problem. I told you to call. Besides, I was worried about you anyway.”
He shouldn’t say these kinds of things but he does and Baekhyun knows that he needs to read them as casual and non-sexual but his first thought is of the man fantasizing about him and that does nothing to quell his already active libido.
“I see.”
Chanyeol’s parking spot has his name on it and Baekhyun wonders how much money you have to make to have a designated parking spot in the garage.
“I’ll grab your bag.” Chanyeol says matter-of-factly.
He’s out of things to say that could be casual and immediately come to mind so he stays as quiet as he can, riding the elevator upstairs. He knows that he should be more talkative but he can’t be bothered with that right now. He’s got too much on his mind. He’s lost in the way he thinks Chanyeol might smell, the way his sweater is pushed up and mostly with the way that he feels being around the man. Every time that they’re together he finds more and more things that he loves about him. He should be more casual or normal, and he really should have never even called him but it’s too late now. And despite the fact that he keeps having raw feelings of longing that keep manifesting as sexual tension, he has to put on airs that he’s just interested in a place to stay. Because he can’t make a move on the man. He can’t even try to be a friend mentally, but externally he’s going to be completely platonic.
The apartment is exactly as he left it. No changes or signs of life to disarray the perfection. He can’t imagine living this way but there’s something slightly cute about the fact that he does nothing but work and think of his son. It’s a small, fading thought, but he looks over at Chanyeol carrying his bag towards the Nanny suite and can’t help but admire him once more.
“Are you cold? Do you want some coffee?”
Baekhyun grins and grabs hold of Chanyeol’s sweater so that they can meet eyes and he can admire the way the man’s round, dark eyes show concern for him.
“No, that will keep us up again.”
He likes the word us more than he should, knowing it put both of them together, if only in speech.
“Yeah… Of course, yeah. That’s stupid. Sorry.”
“It’s not stupid, but maybe don’t drink caffeinated things around Midnight.”
He lets go of Chanyeol’s sleeve hesitantly, and realizes that he can fantasize a series of events following this in his mind too clearly. Chanyeol dropping his bag to the ground and reaching for his face, grabbing hold of him with those big hands and pushing him up against the wall with a kiss. His desire radiates from his body and makes the air feel thick. He looks away and reaches for the bag, taking it from Chanyeol.
“I’ve got this. Thanks.”
Chanyeol doesn’t move from that spot even as Baekhyun walks away and he worries irrationally that the man could read his thoughts. Even though it’s not possible. He doesn’t ever seem to be able to read the sexual tension between them.
“Stay.” Chanyeol says suddenly.
Baekhyun sighs, setting his duffel bag on the still made bed.
“You know I can’t do that. I can’t pay for a room and--”
“You can repay me by watching Junha. So, please… Just stay here. I need someone temporarily anyway and you need somewhere to stay temporarily. So, think of it like babysitting instead of being a nanny.” He says, walking into the room and grabbing one of Baekhyun’s shoulders.
“I just don’t feel comfortable watching your son.”
“I didn’t feel ready to be Junha’s dad, I still worry if I can do better.” He runs his hand down Baekhyun’s arm setting off alarm bells internally in their track before taking hold of Baekhyun’s hand and holding it tightly. “Please.”
“Look, that’s not the same. You’re his dad. I’m a stranger.” Baekhyun swallows hard and feels like Chanyeol is seducing him with his soft hold on him.
He tightens his hold in a squeeze and then smiles.
“Just… Please think about it. Or just try it one day. You have the whole weekend to think about it. Maybe, just stay through the weekend… huh?”
Baekhyun looks down, noting the way his hand looks in Chanyeol’s.
“I’ll think about it.” He promises.
There’s no reason for them to hold hands but the man lingers there still.
“At least through the weekend. That’s all I’m asking.”
“I’ll think about it. Really.” He pulls his hand free and Chanyeol gives him a soft smile, excusing himself from the room to leave Baekhyun alone with the soft bed.
He changes clothes in the bathroom, looking at himself in the oversized mirror above the counter. He unwraps the bandage gauze on his forearm and looks at his skinned-up forearms and recalls the scene in front of the club. He had been so careful not the get caught and yet, somehow the owner caught on by watching security footage of him. And Chanyeol just happened to be there. Like magic, like destiny, he just happened to be there at that exact moment. Holding onto him gently and offering him the world with his deep voice. Seeing the rain darkening his blazer in the darkness as he offered the umbrella to Baekhyun, making sure he was covered was exactly the fairy tale he always imagined. Maybe if he wasn’t so much the perfect man of Baekhyun’s dreams he could take him up on this offer. But he is. He’s going to get hurt if he stays. He’s going to keep getting pulled in, further and further into this web.
He splashes water over the wounds and uses tissue to pat it down so that he doesn’t bloody the towels before wrapping it back up. The skin is blue and purple fading on the edges into an unnatural yellow. He pushes his bag to the floor and crawls into the oversized full bed and feels too comfortable immediately. The mattress molds to him and the pillow catches his head on a downy softness. After a day full of walking, he can feel the pull of sleep, blurring the edges of his consciousness into perfect hazy release. He gives into it with the light still on, his legs sinking with dead weight against the soft Egyptian cotton sheets. He has dreamless, deep slumber, and when he startles awake the next morning, it’s to the sound of soft clutter and the smell of food. It takes only seconds for him to place his surroundings, lost in the warmth of sleep in the plush materials. He wants to burrow further into this bed and stay forever. Maybe he could stay here a bit longer. It wouldn’t be so hard staying in all day and watching a kid. Despite the fact that he doesn’t understand why Chanyeol would trust him, he factually knows that he would never do anything to endanger a child. He’s not used to kids, but it’s not like he has to teach the kid.
He slides from bed and walks to the door, debating whether he wants to go out and face him. He probably should stay put for a while longer, it’s the safest decision after all. It’s only then, close to the living room that he can hear Chanyeol softly singing to himself in the distance. He peeks into the living room and watches the man, shirtless with pajama pants on, head bobbing as he sings quietly, hands moving quickly. He grabs a coffee mug and takes a sip, a brief pause in his serenade to the breakfast foods being prepared before he returns to humming a tune. Baekhyun can definitely get used to this. There have been so many warning alarms going off inside of him that he’s basically desensitized to the calls for him to be careful of his weak heart.
“Here goes nothing…” He whispers to himself and swings the door fully open.
He moves across the room and climbs up on the high bar stool to lean on the counter and get a better view of Chanyeol’s bare lean back. His shoulders are wide and they taper ever so slightly into a narrower hip. He’s not rippling with muscles but he does look every bit the part of a male God with smooth lines and skin that looks soft. He doesn’t seem to notice Baekhyun as he moves his head and bops along, stirring scrambled eggs in the skillet by a sink full of dirty dishes from where he’d already made pancake stacks on two plates. This is probably the first time someone has made him breakfast in the morning after spending the night where he didn’t have to put out. He wonders if this is a normal thing that Chanyeol does or if this special just to get him to move in. He doesn’t care either way. The coffee smells good, swirling the air every time Chanyeol takes a sip like it was diffusing through the house. It’s only after he’s done with the eggs that he finally notices Baekhyun at the counter.
“Hey!” He exclaims, eyes lighting up. “Do you want some coffee?”
“I take it you like coffee?” Baekhyun asks. “You’ve offered me coffee a hundred times in the last 2 days.”
“I’ve also offered you a place to stay countless times, does that mean I like you?” He asks, grinning to himself as he pulls the coffee pod free from the Keurig.
“Coffee sounds great. Thank you.” Baekhyun replies, blushing too much.
He doesn’t realize that his words come off as flirtatious. That’s all. Baekhyun is reading into it too much, but he can’t not feel melty and warm inside at the slight teasing. Even if it’s all in his head, he likes the way he makes him feel worth flirting with. Even if it’s not his intention, he makes Baekhyun feel cared for and special. He watches the man smirk over his shoulder at him as he makes a cup for him and instinctively, he grins.
“So I guess it’s still a no.” He whispers as he grabs the sugar jar and brings it over to the counter top bar where Baekhyun is sitting.
“I never said that.”
Chanyeol holds his gaze with his hand still atop the sugar jar before Baekhyun. Baekhyun pulls the coffee mug closer and looks away first, peeling Chanyeol’s fingers back to spoon sugar into his black coffee.
“So… it’s a yes?”
Baekhyun shrugs coyly.
“I mean, it’s leaning towards a yes. Not that I’ve decided.”
Chanyeol claps his hands together.
“That’s such great news!” He spins quickly and grabs the plates of pancakes and eggs and slides them onto the counter in front of Baekhyun. “Here, have some breakfast. Uh, take your time deciding. Just…” He grabs a bowl of washed strawberries and places them next to Baekhyun with a wistful smile.
Every time he acts like this, Baekhyun wavers more, but he can’t make this decision just based on Chanyeol.
“Do you like strawberries in sugar? Junha likes it and he got me hooked on it too.” He says and rounds his way from the kitchen to sit at the counter next to Baekhyun, handing over a napkin and a fork.
Baekhyun looks at the browned pancake stack and the eggs too long, reading into the gifted meal too much with a secretive pull of his cheeks. It’s been too long since he was taken care of like this. So even if it’s just through the weekend, he’d like to stay like this.
“I like it.” He breathes. “I like it so much.”
He’s leaning towards a yes. It puts him at ease more than he’d care to admit knowing that Baekhyun might stay with him for a while. That he might get to see him every day. That this soft tingle in his chest might blossom into something more identifiable. Something concrete and not just water over a hot stove eye, on the verge of bubbling up. More than just the press of green against the shell of a seed buried and watered, nudging to break free and show its color through the brown earth. He can feel it now, he’s on the cusp of feeling something. He’s interested in Baekhyun, but he can’t quite make out how. Over breakfast they talked about his work and Baekhyun’s company felt different than his casual conversations with his previous nannies. He was interested in what the man thinks, how he sees the world, and the way strawberry juice ran down his chin. Chanyeol felt like he was crossing too many boundaries when he reached over to wipe it away with his thumb, but Baekhyun didn’t recoil when he brought it to his mouth to lick the nectar away. He simply grabbed his napkin and apologized with embarrassed laughter.
Could Baekhyun feel it too? Is this all in his head? He looks at Baekhyun sometimes and he swears there’s electricity snapping between their gazes. But even if Baekhyun has no interest in him, he still wants to keep him around for longer. Selfishly, he wants to protect him from the world that treats him so coldly. He wants him to stay with him so that Junha will have someone around and can come home to his own room at night and he won’t miss him so much. It’s not selfless at all. He’s not selfless in the slightest. He’s all selfishness, and he hates it. But humans don’t change so easily do they? They’re habitual. And he’s not used to having to act out of anything more than consideration for his son and his own basic needs anymore.
Regardless, he focusses on his work more throughout the day knowing that Baekhyun might stay and watch Jun for him. He doesn’t worry so much about where Baekhyun might be staying in the evening because he knows he’ll be there when he gets home. Even though he hadn’t given him a clear okay, he did say he’d be willing to impose for at least one more night. On the way home, he stops by the drug store to pick up some gauze and padding for the man’s arms and he grins to himself as he drives through the narrow streets. Baekhyun’s dirty sneakers are in the entry of his home when he opens the door, just as promised, and he lines up his loafers next to Baekhyun’s, thinking the difference in size is really quite precious. He imagines Jun’s shoes on the other side of Baekhyun’s and he can’t help but feel giddy. In Starbucks sizes, they would line up in the order tall, venti, and then trenta. Or maybe Jun would be a short at only 8 fluid ounces because he’s so small.
He collapses his head against the wall, smiling too much.
“Get it together, Park.” He breathes to himself.
He knocks on the door to Baekhyun’s room and hears no response. He presses on the handle and peeks inside and finds the room empty. Sliding the door open, he goes to put the bag on the dresser when he hears the drip of water.
“Baekhyun?”
He sees the light filtering in from the bathroom and he clears his throat to call out again.
“Baekhyun?”
He steps into the room and knocks on the door cracked open slightly and hears water swirl.
“I’m in the bath.” Baekhyun calls.
“Oh. Okay. I’m going to leave this bag here for you.” He says softly, knowing that he’s already doomed.
He can see it clearly in his mind, Baekhyun’s shoulders peeking up over bubbles, looking small and cute in the oversized garden tub.
“You better not have gotten me anything!” Baekhyun barks.
“Did you eat dinner yet? I’m about to order something.” He replies, grinning as he leans into the molding of the doorway to the bathroom.
“Stop getting things for me! I’ll never be able to pay you back!” Baekhyun growls, splashing in the tub.
“Okay. I won’t get you anything else. After I buy you dinner.”
Baekhyun is silent from the other side of the door and he imagines him pouting.
“Are you still there? Are you okay?”
Baekhyun still doesn’t reply and he turns around to lean his back against the frame with a teasing chuckle.
“If you don’t answer, I’m going to assume you’re drowning. Should I come in and check?”
There’s still no answer though and his smile falters.
“Baekhyun?”
Without fully intending on coming in, he places one hand to the door handle.
“Don’t come in, pervert. I’m naked in the tub.” Baekhyun says finally.
Chanyeol pulls the door closed instead of opening it further.
“I’m ordering food after I take a shower. Come out and tell me what you want or I’m ordering for you.” He calls before setting the bag down and walking away.
When he’s done showering off and changing, Baekhyun is sitting on the couch in an oversized tee shirt and pastel blue boxers, hair wet and cheeks flushed from his bath. Chanyeol walks to where he’s sitting and whips the towel off of his shoulders and tosses it on top of Baekhyun’s head. The man giggles and tries to pull it away but he catches his wrists and pulls his hands back.
“Stay still.” He says calmly and starts to dry the man’s hair with soft towel shakes against his wet mop.
Baekhyun closes his eyes, leaning forward into Chanyeol’s scrubbing and he lowers his attention to Baekhyun’s face. His lashes rest on the swells of high cheekbones and his pink mouth looks soft to touch. The birthmarks on his cheek and above his lip are faint and pretty. His bare thighs are pale, his fingers thin and delicate. Chanyeol swallows too hard and Baekhyun hears the gulp and looks up at him.
“Sorry.” He breathes, feeling guilty like his interest might be palpable in the air between them.
“For what?”
Baekhyun doesn’t waver his searching gaze and he’s too close and he smells clean. Chanyeol lets go of the towel and it stays put on top of Baekhyun’s head.
“I was staring.” He admits.
“Staring at me?”
He nods his head and Baekhyun pulls the towel off of his head and holds it, damp and ragged to the touch between them.
“I don’t mind.”
Chanyeol reaches forward and runs his fingers through his hair, combing through lockets of water touched hair somewhere between wet and dry.
“What if I’m a murderer?” Chanyeol teases.
“I think you underestimate my ability to take you down.” Baekhyun replies, pulling back with a smirk.
“I don’t underestimate you at all. I know you can disarm me already.” Chanyeol whispers.
His heart stutters in his chest when those downturned eyes hold him in place for too long and he gets to his feet too quickly to calm down. He walks to the fireplace and turns it up.
“Do you--”
“No, I don’t want coffee.”
Chanyeol turns to him with narrowed eyes, enchanted by the man’s teasing.
“Do you want Chinese or Pizza?” He says.
“You don’t have to feed me.” Baekhyun pulls the towel up to his head and hides behind it.
“Okay. I guess it’s my choice then.”
“I’m really not hungry.”
Chanyeol walks to the kitchen and opens the refrigerator. There’s really nothing in there. Juice boxes, yogurt snacks, fruits and eggs. Tupperware of kimchi and side dishes Junmyeon brought over and bottles of water. He grabs his phone and clicks on the pizza app and methodically orders a cheese pizza.
“Pizza will be here in 20 minutes.” He says as he walks to the couch.
“Am I speaking a foreign language? Do you hear me?”
Chanyeol plops down next to him and shrugs.
“You don’t have to eat it.”
“I’m not going to.”
He reaches over and moves hair from his cheek to behind his ear in a tender tuck and smirks.
“Defiant little thing, aren’t you?”
“Surprisingly opinionated for such a small person, yeah. I get that a lot.” Baekhyun says quickly leaning back against the couch.
They don’t speak for a moment, side by side and unusually comfortable for relative strangers.
“I like it.” Chanyeol says.
“That I’m defiant and opinionated?”
He nods his head and closes his eyes.
“I like you. You’re interesting.” He adds to clear up any undertones.
Baekhyun closes his eyes once again and gives an audible and thoughtful hum of understanding.
“I like you too.”
“As a person?” Chanyeol asks, turning against the cushion to look over.
Baekhyun meets eyes with him, lingering and cautious in his consideration of what the man is looking for.
“Yeah. You’re a good person.”
“What about as a man?” Chanyeol challenges.
“As a man…”
There’s that impossible feeling like he could hear the drum of his heart in his ears. Like the audible pump pounding in a stethoscope. A clear reverberation of unease and expectation, and above all, there is excitement there.
“I think you’re a good man, Chanyeol. As a man, I think… You’re noble and kind.”
He rubs his mouth with two fingers and tries again.
“A good man… And that’s all? You see me as a man in terms of how much I’ve done and nothing more?”
Baekhyun turns towards Chanyeol so that his body faces him and leans his elbow on the back of the couch.
“What are you asking, exactly?”
Maybe this is the safest point to end the conversation. Maybe there’s no need to take it farther. Maybe pushing this would end with Baekhyun deciding he doesn’t want to stay. But there’s that maybe, that just maybe, telling him that it might be better for them to have space if it means that Chanyeol is going to continue to fall into this interest when the other party has no intention towards him. He can blame it on Jun and having to look out for his son all day, but it’s also about his own heart.
“What do you see when you look at me?”
Baekhyun sweeps his gaze over the man and looks down.
“Are you fishing for compliments? What do you mean exactly? Do you want me to tell you that you’re handsome? That you’re tall? I see that you are thoughtful and good looking and you care a lot for your son.”
“So, you do think I’m attractive as a man?”
Baekhyun shifts his weight, looking uncomfortable and Chanyeol reaches over to tip his chin up towards him with one finger.
“Baekhyun?”
“Is this your way of questioning my sexuality?”
Chanyeol’s mouth slips open, brows raising on his forehead.
“I…”
“Are you asking if I’m interested in you as a man?”
He looks away from Baekhyun too quickly as the bell rings.
“Sorry. That was rude of me. That’s completely private. You don’t… You don’t need to answer that.”
Chanyeol wipes his sweat dampened brow and crosses the room, almost running into the coffee table in the process.
“The pizza is here; can you grab plates and napkins?”
Chanyeol reflects on the intimacy they almost shared with a self-scolding tightening to his own hands. What the hell had gotten into him? Why did it take Baekhyun looking at him with that knowing smirk before he realized how completely invasive he was being to someone who doesn’t need to answer to him at all? Baekhyun probably would leave after the weekend. He probably would run at the very first moment he was able to after spending this much time with Chanyeol. Chanyeol who is being too forward, and arguably, predatory towards the man. This isn’t what he meant when he said Baekhyun could pay back his kindness by staying here. He didn’t mean to imply anything distasteful. He doesn’t seem upset or rattled when Chanyeol comes back into the room. He’s gotten napkins out for them but he’s wandering through the cabinets looking for plates.
“By the sink to the left.” he says walking by.
“Got it.”
He tries to think of ways to change the subject when the man comes back.
“I should be careful around you,” Baekhyun says sitting on the floor at the coffee table. “You’re surprisingly flirtatious and straightforward.”
The rouge in Chanyeol’s cheeks intensifies and he grabs a slice without acknowledging the man’s teasing. He has to try to clear his mind.
“It might be dangerous if I stay. Do you still want me to be your temporary nanny?”
“Dangerous?”
Baekhyun takes a bite of pizza despite his earlier insistence that he’s not hungry.
“Yeah. Dangerous. Don’t you think? What if my interest in you as a person turns into interest in you romantically and I pounce on you?”
Chanyeol rolls his eyes at the man’s mocking tone.
“Alright, alright… No need to go that far. I wasn’t trying to insult you or anything.”
“It wouldn’t be insulting for you to think I like men, Chanyeol. It would be observant.”
Chanyeol decides not to press him on that, they should focus on eating and changing the subject before he gets too invested in hope that the man might want to kiss him back.
“So… You’ll accept the offer?”
Baekhyun wipes sauces from the corner of his mouth with a napkin and steels his gaze on Chanyeol.
“Sure. Why not try it out? The worst that could happen is that it ends in disaster and you kick me out.”
“I highly doubt that will happen… But I’m holding you on your word that you’re going to stay here and work as a nanny in the interim.”
He feels full already, without even having finished the first slice. Maybe it’s because Baekhyun is still looking at him so fondly. Maybe it’s because he’s suddenly nervous and excited about the prospect of coming home to both Junha and Baekhyun every day. Their limited hours seem to have expanded to numberless days for him to decide just how much he’s interested in this man. But then there’s the weight of the thought that he won’t be able to resist him for very long if he keeps being so effortlessly sexy, walking around the house with wet hair, tee shirt showing too much of those collar bones…
