Top Posts Tagged with #i wanna quit so bad i cant take it anymore like i literally hate it so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 | Tumlook (2024)

today i woke up with a sore throat and called out of work, only to then sleep in until 12 and when i woke up again it was gone, and then later i locked myself out of my car and definitely overpaid the locksmith for bailing me out (he was really nice but i still shouldnt have paid that much 😣) but honestly. it was still a better day than having to go into work

WAIT WAIT SO MANY EMOTIONS OMGMGMGMGMGM OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL THIS;

OMGMGMGMGM I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!! im so touch deprived i literally screamed. i have to read a toji fanfic where he takes care of y/n bc her husband treats her like sh*t. i have to. this was so intense to me. can he kiss y/n again?? this time on the lips? and then maybe the lower lips?? KSPSPSPAS im truly in love with toji. crazy how i got more excited over him kissing y/n’s cheeks than satoru kissing y/n.. i think its bc i know that he’s still with sera and has the audacity to still refer to her as his lover… f*cking pathetic.

FLIRT MORE PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU!! every time he touched y/n i had an org*sm bye. how can he be so f*cking attractive?? im in love with that man.

wait until sera learns about this😹😹😹 she gonna be even more broken which is everything i want.

that sounds very familiar… doesnt it satoru?? ai can your beautiful self please explain to me how this mf doesn’t see that’s literally him and sera?? how can a person be so blind for f*ck’s sake. even geto mentioned it.

THE AUDACITY OF THIS WRENCH! how can she also say something about y/n when she is the mistress?!! wtfff?!!!!!? when i saw this my head started hurting. what a f*cking bitch bro. the audacity.. THE AUDACITY!! ima take this as a racist offense since im a poc and an immigrant. i hate that bitch so much. she triggers me. like the f*cking audacity bro. im honestly speechless ai. the audacity of these mfs to get upset.

“the wrong idea” now now y/n… lets be honest sweetie… you know you wanna f*ck that masterpiece of a man.. just a one nightstand. he’s the one she should be calling daddy😩😩 he’s such a dilf. so f*cking fine.

ATTENTION SEEKER ALERT‼️ATTENTION SEEKER‼️ATTENTION SEEKER‼️

i just know she did that sh*t on purpose bro. she’s everything bad she claims y/n is😹 i cant believe satoru still has the f*cking audacity to tell y/n he wants her and still go after the mistress bro. he never did that with y/n.. not even when she was the one crying her heart out (quite literally). this is why i dont get excited over satoru anymore. until i see him putting y/n first place as she should be, i dont even wanna see him. every time he takes a step forward, he takes three back and im real tired of it.

sorry for the long rant but this episode was so beautiful. im so happy to see y/n sticking up for herself and seeing toji is such a joy.. damn i truly love that mf bye. but something i asked before and wanted to ask again is if sera’s dad is the abusive alcoholic type? he doesn’t give me those vibes but i wonder since she seems to despise him so much.

GAHAHSH I LIKE THAT U HAD SCREENSHOTS !! thank u sm for reading and sending ur thoughts abt the last chapter <33 hope you’ll enjoy the next one too :)

i know youre just as obsessed with the save your tears song as me, please make a fic with peter of it🙏🏾😭

lololol sorry i got this a while ago, but yes. i have an unhealthy obsession with this song.

P.P~ Save Your Tears

warnings: none?? language??

words- 1.8k

You and peter...you and peter were special. When there was peter, there was you. No matter where you went, no matter where he went, you both were with each other, until you werent.

“Y/n, i love you but i need this college, it means so much to me, tony wants me to go-” “tony wants you to go? He matters more then me? Peter ive been with you since forever” you said, tears pooling from your eyes, standing up in his room while he sat on his bunkbed- his cheeks and nose red as he looked at you. “So this is what its about, making tony proud? What about me peter? What about me?!” you waited for his answer, but when he didnt say anything, you just gave him an empty, sad look, a shocked look,”so this is it, huh? You go to college and you leave me and may in sh*tty new york, and for what?” you chuckled, “to make your” you did quote on quote “dad proud?” he became angered, staring daggers at you. “He cares about you but i clearly care more, you wouldnt even be thinking about college if it wasnt for me. Youd be stuck as spiderman still trying to make him proud!” you laughed.

“Peter, did you hear what i said, “STILL PROUD”. He doesnt even give you f*ckin validation. You know what. f*ck you, have fun in missouri, i hope you make him proud” you said, stomping out and slamming the door behind you, power walking out and accidently ignoring may with your own crowded thoughts while you walked out.

But that was 2 years ago.

You went to a college in Atlanta, peter long forgot, you and ned decided to go together. So there was a huge party in Atlanta, Harry knew about it causing Peter to know about it too.

“Yeah theres this huge party in atlanta and i wanted to go” he said, in the kitchen of the apartment, eating chips as he looked at peter, who had his textbook in his hands and his glasses on, he looked at harry “your going out of state...just for a stupid party?” he said, his eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah i go every year,” “and your telling me this….for?”

“I want you to come with me” harry smiled, walking over and hopping on the couch while peter set his text book on the coffee table “i dont think so” he said, “oh come on! The most baddest chicks are their peter! And you need to get over y/n-” “shut up, harry” peter looked at him with a clenched jaw, your name was his kryptonite, making him weak in his stomach and his knees woozy as if they were gonna fall out. “Look, your doing it again” harry called him out. “Ive dated her for over 7 years harry, what am i supposed to do, toss her in the trash?” “Yes actually” he shrugged, making peter grumble before taking off his glasses and setting them down. “i’ll think about it” “i’ll pack your bag” harry did a quick grin at him before standing up and tossing the chips at peters chest.

So there they are, moving into another apartment for three days, only taking out a few pairs of clothes and leaving it on the bed. “Party is tomorrow, we need drinks and stuff” “if its a huge party what do we need to buy stuff for?” peter asked, harry said, “You're too innocent” before walking off.

“Ned! I do not need a plus one!” “it wont be a plus one it’ll be a plus two!” “im not going in there as a throuple” you turned to him, he didnt want you to look lonely inside of the party, so why not just go on an open date with betty and him? Because it weird, or thats atleast what you thought. You picked out your dress, your body has changed since senior year, making your curves more evident, which you didnt mind, it was nice. The dress was quite tight in the right places, making you feel confident, you asked betty how it looked, she said if she was a lesbian shed try to dig, which was unusual for someone like her to say that, but youd take it. “Are you sure, y/n?” he asked, genuinely, you turned to him and sincerely nodded. “Yes, thank you”

And so there it was, harry and peter went to buy the drinks, two bottles of each just for home, which harry made peter try, peter wasnt pleasant but harry said hed need it.

So there the party was, harry helping peter pick something out, making sure it wasnt too “nerdy” which ended up in harry having to give peter something to wear, an oversized orange shirt and jeans, a black hat backwards and some of peters normal shoes, vans. “Im proud of my creation” harry said while they both looked in the mirror, peter sighed in disgust “i hate you” “love you too bud”

You and ned got ready, helping him out with which colognes he should use, you made him help you out with the makeup, it was a simple black dress but there was no harm in trying to pop it out, “red” “red? Are you sure? Does it bring out my skin??” you said, he nodded “wear it! And hurry! We have to pick up betty!”

It was 9 o’clock, the party already started as you and your best friends pushed past people to get something to drink, but one drink turned into two, and then to three, and then continuing on. Ned ended up with red lipstick and lip marks all over his face and a tie around his eyes, everyone cheering him on when he was in a drinking competition with the famous gregory, of course ned won, making the boys chant his ned “ned ned ned ned!” and you were in the front row with betty, a red cup in your hand and everyone letting out a deep “wooooo!” and whistles when ned stuck his arms out in the air before taking the tie off, you laughed as the party stopped the challenges and it was dancing time, so betty pulled you to the dance floor, you let out an “ahhh!” as in you didnt wanna dance but she gave you a stern look “loosen up” she smiled, dancing around and her grin widened when you started to slowly loosen up, drinking the forbidden juice in your cup before you threw it wherever.

Peter and harry finally arrived, drinks in hand as he looked around, “there really is hot chicks” peter said making harry laugh hysterically before grabbing a cup for peter. “Just make sure you leave before i do” “yuck” harry passed the cup to peter, and he took a sip, his throat burning before he looked at harry “dont give up, the party has just started! I have to use the bathroom” harry walked off, peter looked around at the different sections, he could sit on the couch but there was people making out there, he could join some of the shot gunning but it was clear they were already thirty drinks in, which left him to the dance floor.

Dancing in the crowded hall, stood you, as before, his stomach turned and his knees felt woozy as his mouth slightly opened, it was really you. Your hips moving loosely with a huge smile on your face, you looked so much more happier without him, he started to feel bad, his mind coming to memories before you caught him looking at you, making your movements falter. Your mouth open with shock, a single tear coming down your face before he called out your name, you ignored him walking the other way. “Dammit!” he said, placing down the cup he didnt need before pushing past people, he could see the back of your head, he groaned when a girl pushed him “watch where your going dumbass!” she said, peter ignored her and came upstairs still following you, now into an empty hallway “Y/N!- Y/N- i know you can hear me theres literally nobody else in this f*cking hallway!” he said, his walking stopped as yours did to, you looked back at him, turning to him. “Please” you made eye contact with him, your face empty as no words came out of your mouth, you walked to him, a hopeful smile on his face, until you walked passed him, your shoulder thumping against his that made him fall, he looked back at you and furrowed his eyebrows, his heart shattered in pieces as he swore he heard it break like glass, it was already cracked.

You could have asked him why he broke your heart

You could've told him that you fell apart

But you walked past him like he wasn't there

And just pretended like you didn't care.

He ran away from you and now it was your turn, you told yourself not to cry, to save your tears for another day, or for another, he wasnt worth it, at least thats what you told yourself. He watched as you disappeared, sadness engulfing him as he sat against the wall. “f*ck” he ran his hands through his hair before he looked your direction again, tears threatning to roll down his cheeks as he couldnt believe that happened, but it was his fault, and once he noticed that, he broke down in tears.

he made you think that he would always stay

He said some things that he should've never said

He broke your heart like someone did to his,

And now you won't love him for a second time.

He didnt know it would make you cry when he ran away, he didnt even know why he ran away. He wanted to chase after you, for you to take him back because this time he really wanted to stay, two years, much too late. He didnt deserve you, you deserved better, not someone who left you for someone he didnt even talk to anymore, tony.

“Save your tears, y/n” you told yourself, but you couldn't take it, you ran to your car and opened the door, getting in the driver's seat you cried, slamming the door shut as your back hunched and you hit the hunk, kicking and hitting the steering wheel until you couldn't anymore, tears ruining your makeup as you looked at yourself through the rear view, your hair a mess, your eyeliner ruined, you, ruined. you couldn't save your tears, you couldn't save them for another day, or another. Peter, the love of your life, ran away, and you cant love him again, because, he broke you.

Ghost Slander

I know I’ve done this before sorta but this is the Finial List of all the sh*t that’s really just bad about them. the first half of each is serious bad stuff and the second half is just silly annoying sh*t they do. I am not apologizing for this so that’s that on that. I also still love them anyways.

Papa I: too old to do anything. he may be strong and smart, but he’s old, and tired, and gets grumpy when he’s tired. and when he’s grumpy hes a f*cking asshole. he really doesn’t want to do anything, like go out for a fun day in the city, or try new things. can’t teach an old dog ne w tricks, and he doesn’t even try tricks he’s known about for forty years. He can be boring, and he can be punchy and sh*tty when he’s annoying (I don’t mean like punchy as in hitting, just you know when you were grumpy as a kid and you get really irritated and annoyed and kind of just wanna have a hissy fit and cant control it???? that.)

Papa II: Super emotionally unavailable and it just becomes taxing to try and get him to open up unless he’s ready and willing - which, spoiler alert, will never happen. He really does have a sh*tty temper and when he gets angry he sees red. Refuses to delegate tasks to other people around him because he thinks no one else can do it right. When he does, no matter what they do it’s never good enough and he makes all his interns cry and/or quit. for fun: he gets the “man flu” in which he will not take medication or go to the doctor until he literally has muscle dystrophy. thinks Advil or Tylenol is some hippy bullsh*t brainwashing pill invented by liberals that are trying to trick him into being happy. conspiracy theories. thinks aliens built the pyramids. watches ancient aliens in his spare time and never shuts up about it. Unable to use technology, and falls asleep in“special chair” at home.

Papa III:cant take no for an answer. he doesn't understand when someone refuses his advances because all of the girls in the clergy falling all over him his whole life has made his head a little too big. if you want major f*cking ego, he’s the brother for you. if you don’t want flowers, and you don’t want random extravagant things, he’s not the brother for you, because if you tell him you don’t like the things he’ll assume you hate him and decide that you shouldn’t be together anymore. sure, it comes from a place of caring and wanting to spoil his s/o, but f*ck, bro, tone it down. He’ll also talk at you for hours even if you’re not listening just because he loves the sound of his own voice. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to do something else, or are tired, or you just don’t care, he’ll stop talking when he’s ready and only then. For fun: at a kids soccer game he would be That Dad that screams at the other kids like hes the assistant coach and probably be drunk and fist fight the other drunk dads in their lawn chairs. makes his s/o wax his back before they go to the beach or anywhere he has to be shirtless. its gross and hairy and he wouldn't care if his s/o didn’t bully his persian-rug body into it so hard one time he canceled a vacation.

Copia: He has no back bone. He’ll work until people give him what wants but he’ll never come right out and say it, in any kind of relationship or work. You’ll constantly be guessing whether or not what he said has a second meaning and if it’s really want he wants or he’s been waiting for you to figure it out the whole time. It’s f*cking annoying. He’ll never be the one to put his foot down, or silence a room, or command attention like the other papa’s have, he just doesn’t have it in him. For fun: Calls his stomach his“spare tire” like what the f*ck who says that?? Talks to everyone, you literally have to drag him away from talking to strangers. The person next to him at the cafe has their headphones in and he’s just chatting away. Small talk but just gets worse, and he subjects everyone to it. rides one of those bikes where you're basically lying down and doesn't shut the f*ck up about how low impact it is on your back and knees. thinks the government is out to get him and everyone else but doesn't put two and two together and still has a google home thing or an alexa, buys that facebook skype camera thing for your tv that literally follows you when he walks. he just thinks their neat.

Dewdrop: Has a hot temper and genuinely gets mean when he lashes out. He doesn’t care that everyone has to chase after him all the time and has no remorse for what they have to do for him or what he ruins for them. He’s gonna do whatever he want’s whenever he wants and no one can tell him otherwise - everyone thinks this is so fun and quirky and great until it’s been a few months and they’re wondering why Dew hasn’t calmed down even a little. He’s too self obsessed to even care what other people want for him. A total mess wherever he goes, eats all the soap and candles and doesn’t replace them.

Swiss: saying someone is too good at everything doesn't sound like an insult, but it does when they brag about it. Swiss has always been the multi ghoul, meaning hes always been pretty good at everything, but never specialized in something. so rather than do more to hide the fact he’s a jack of all trades but master of none, he just brags about every tiny little thing he does. hes like 6′ but his ego is like 8′4″. Insanely jealous in relationships which can cause problems.he’s a liar. there. i said it. unless he’s your s/o, if his mouth is moving, it’s probably a lie. whether hes bigging up his own adventures, or trying to cover his tracks about where he was and who he was with, its probably all bullsh*t. the only reason he doesn’t lie to his partners is because he HATES being lied to in return and if he has feelings for you its a little harder to just shut you out once you realize he’s full of it. He mostly lies for fun, and partly just to see what people will really believe, so it get’s wilder and wilder every time. Refuses to do anything that’s boring to him like clean or do laundry, but he hates disgusting messes so he’ll just pay someone else to do it.

Mountain: Disgustingly messy. When I walk into a room i leave a hurricane of my sh*t everywhere, but if you took an actual hurricane and put it in his bedroom, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. No one in the whole church will go near his room, partly for the smell, partly for the fact of that there is no where to stand that isn’t a foot high with garbage and dirty clothes. If he cleaned his room i think a new disease would be unlocked. Super stubborn, and inpatient. He’s pretty chill, but refuses to wait for anything without getting super annoyed, and it’s impossible to change his mind about literally anything once it’s made up. Trying to debate him about anything is a f*cking nightmare.

Aether: when you’ve been together for a while, and you’re comfortable with each other, things can get boring. he’ll stop taking you on dates every week, and stop thanking you profusely for everything you do, and stop treating you like a queen. things will get stale quickly, so unless you’re into routine, steer f*cking clear or you're doomed. when he’s in a sh*tty mood, he will say literally anything to you to get you away from him. he just wants to be left alone and if you wont let that happen he’ll break up with you, tell you to f*ck off, tell you to get away from him, tell you to go f*ck yourself, whatever it takes. he doesn’t mean it, and even if he knows that deep down, you’re still causing the problem by existing, in his mind. refuses to accept that there may be a different way to do things. it’s Aether’s way or the highway and that's it. he thinks that if somethings easier, or faster than the way he does it, then it’s not being done right, and it’s f*cking annoying how he wastes so much time doing stupid simple tasks because its the way he was taught and its the way he’ll do them until he dies

Rain: A baby. An actual baby. Needy and clingy and even a little bit pathetic sometimes. Here and there it can be cute and you might feel the need to nurture him, but honestly most people can’t handle it all the time but for Aether. He constantly needs attention in the exact way he wants and if he doesn’t get it he’ll whine and cry and try and make you feel like sh*t. Maybe it’s manipulation, maybe it’s not. Who knows. But you have to make sure he eats properly, make sure he gets dressed properly, make sure he sleeps, pretty much be a parent to him half the time. The amount of emotional labor is borderline slavery. His attitude is insane, and he’s sassy and bossy all the time as if he’s actually in control, and if you tell him otherwise he’ll scream (at the top of his lungs). Uses baby talk at an inappropriate timing and makes people uncomfortable sometimes.

Cumulus: Collects tiny little themed knick knacks that are literally everywhere and take up all the space in her and Cirrus’ little sapphic cottage. Nosey and wants to know everyone’s business all the time. The only person she tells is Cirrus but she won’t rest unless she knows every detail about a persons life and drama.

Cirrus: Leaves all the lights on wherever she goes. Leaves all the cupboards open. All the lights are on so much that it lights up the whole house all night, and people call them to tell them to either close their blinds or turn the f*cking lights off.

Griffy

Synopsis: Charlie has a surprise for you

Pairing: Charlie Weasley x fem!reader

Words: 1.8k

A/N - Another story featuring my favourite dragon boi!! It’s just fluff but I enjoyed writing it.

Warnings - mentions of danger

The sun beamed brightly in the clear blue sky casting a brilliant warm glow over the two of you. Your eyes hidden behind Charlie Weasley's hands as he leads you forward as carefully as possible; you'd almost fallen many times but you appreciated that he had managed to save you each time. "Where are we going?" You request. The sound of leaves and twigs crunch under your feet, giving away your location.

"It's a surprise," he says ever so softly into your ear. You don't like surprises; not from Charlie anyway they were always... a little too much.

"This doesn't have anything to do with dragons does it?" An uneasy groan emits from your throat as you slow to a halt. You had a very bad feeling about this.

Are you ready?" No, but you nod anyway just wanting to get this over with. "Are you sure-"

Taking hold of his wrists, you remove his hands bringing you face to face with a terrible size. With wide eyes, you scramble backwards only to fall into Charlie. He always seemed to be there to catch you. "That's a..." It had the front legs, wings, and head of an eagle paired with the hind legs and tail of a horse. It was mahogany brown and very big. You swallow hard, you've never been too good with animals. You've read many books about them but they could never prepare you for the real thing. "A Hippogriff."

"So what do you think?" Charlie runs a reassuring hand up and down your arm in a slow but steady rhythm. "Pretty cool right? His name is Griffy the Hippogriff."

"Griffy?"

Charlie chuckles lowly, "don't judge- I let Ginny pick the name."

"Ah," it was only now, you realised you were still in his warm embrace and heat immediately rushed to your cheeks. Standing up a little straighter, you brush yourself off. "I... I don't know what to say."

"Do you wanna pet him?"

You shake your head rapidly. He was joking, right? "Absolutely not! I'm not going anywhere near that beast."

"He's really quite gentle."

Your eyes drift to the razor-sharp talons on its front legs; they could definitely do some major damage and you wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. "That thing could kill me." You turn to look at him as his smile begins to fade. Well now you felt kind of bad; he seemed so excited before. With a heavy sigh, you turn back to the Hippogriff. "So what do I have to do?"

"Hmm?"

"I wanna pet him," it was rather hard to ignore the claws though. "I just don't want to offend him."

With a giddy smile on full display, he strides over to the half-bird creature. "I'll show you okay? It's really simple and he likes me." He declares proudly. Charlie may be obsessed with Dragons but he was also good with other animals too. You found his charming smile and passionate personality rather easy to warm up to so you don't find it difficult to imagine that animals are drawn to him. "Hippogriffs are very proud-"

"Charlie, I've read books. I know all this just show me." You urge. Hippogriffs were very proud creatures and easily offended. You didn't want to get on the bad side of one for obvious reasons. It was also considered polite to let the Hippogriff make the first move.

"You just bow like so," his right arm rested against his stomach and he bowed towards the creature. It seemed rather silly but he knew more than you did. "If he bows back then you can pet him. If not? well, then I'll fix you right up. I know a lot of healing spells."

That didn't instil a lot of confidence. "Are you sure about this?"

"Of course."

The redhead stepped aside to give you some space. With a deep breath, you walk a little closer. It was huge and all your confidence drained out of your body as you mind wandered to the deep golden beak and the talons. It also had massive wings that could knock you over. And powerful back legs to kick you with. Charlie gives you a thumbs up as you look to him and then back. Lips curling into an unsure smile, you very slowly lower your head and bow towards the creature. It wasn't the most comfortable of positions and if you were being honest, it felt ridiculous to do but now you were almost too scared to move. It feels like you've been bowing forever but that could just be your nerves. You sneak a peak sharply, startling Griffy into a buck. He had looked big before but now he was like ten times worse. A high pitched screech filled the clearing. "Back away- now." But you remain completely frozen still bowing. The large thump of its front legs returning to the ground was a good sign, right? It had not attacked you. You find yourself too anxious to look up again until you hear Charlie's voice. "He can be a little grumpy."

"So he likes me?" Stealing a glance, the animal had now lowered its head in an elegant bow; one leg lifted into the air. He truly was a magnificent creature but still very intimidating. Standing up straight, you smile softly as you look to Charlie who is smiling ear to ear.

"You can stroke him now."

With shaky hands, you reach out cautiously until you feel soft feathers against your skin. It looked so small compared to the beast who now nuzzled against your palm. "He feels soft." You glance towards the boy that was now beside you, he offered a warm smile. The lightest shade of pink dusting his freckled cheeks as he looked upon you.

"They like to keep themselves well-groomed," He explains, brushing his hand through the feathers; accidentally bumping into you, he pulls his hand away. "So... he uh... should be willing to let you ride him now."

"What? No." You back away a little with wide eyes. "I think this is close enough."

"Come on, it'll be fun." His expression softened as he met your Y/E/C eyes. There was. Puppy dog charm to each of the Weasley's but Charlie had a way of just looking at you until you gave in.

"Charlie," You groan; attention returned to the hippogriff so you didn't have to look into those big pleading eyes anymore. "It's- I- cant! What if something happens?"

"Nothing will happen," His attempt to calm your nerves fell on death ears. This was insane. Charlie was insane. He climbs onto the back of the hippogriff, careful not to hit his massive wings; one hand held out just for you. "I promise." You hated the fact you were considering this but you want to keep him happy. You want to see his cheesy smile. Taking his hand, he helps you up onto the back of the animal. "Just hold on tight to me, okay? Griffy will not be happy if you pull out any of his feathers."

It wasn't so bad up here once you realised it was relatively safe. You didn't know exactly where to place your hands, it felt awkward grabbing onto him. The half-bird stepped forward and all awkwardness was thrown out the window as you latch onto the boy. "Maybe we shouldn't do this? It's safer on the ground."

"It'll be fine,"

Wings spread out wide startling you as it flaps a few times before beginning to run. You tighten your grip. The wind picks up; feeling brisk against your face which you bury into his shoulder. The running had stopped, that much you could tell and the sound of flapping wings indicated you were in the air however, you couldn't bring yourself to look. "I don't like this," it's a whisper to yourself more than anyone else.

"Open your eyes,"

You shake your head against him. "They're open. It's great. Can... we land now?"

"No, they're not," How could he possibly know that? "Just trust me, okay?"

"Trust you," you repeat slowly. With a deep breath, you slowly open your eyes and your mouth drops. You were so high up that if you fell, you'd not be getting can up but it was spectacular. You dared not to let go of Charlie but you looked around yourself admiring the lush green fields and rolling hills. Massive lakes of water that shone a deep blue against the sunlight. You felt both sick with glee and fear of an untimely demise.

"This is... beautiful," you mumble quietly, grip tightening around Charlie as the Hippogriff turned sharply. "Utterly breathtaking."

"I told you," The happiness laced in his voice was pleasing to the ear. "I can take us back down if you still want to?"

"No," You reply sharply, your smile growing at the tiny buildings you spot below. "Can we stay up here a little longer."

"Of course," His laughter drifting with the wind.

"Do you do this a lot?" You wonder, finally relaxing around him; there was a hint of embarrassment behind your actions. Your grip must have felt like a vice.

"Not too often," He muses. "But it's not my first time. It's kinda like riding a broom."

It was nothing like riding a broom at least not in your experience then again you didn't like flying on a broom either.

"Explains why your head is always up in the clouds," You tease. You'd ruffle his hair if you weren't terrified of letting go. "It's... cute."

"Cute?"

"Mhmm," You hum. "We should head back,"

"Alright," The Hippogriffs wings stretch up and the next thing you know, your stomach drops as Griffy dives straight down. It almost felt like you were about to throw up and it's instinct to grab onto Charlie; hiding your embarrassment and fear literally behind his back. It felt like forever before you realised you'd finally returned to land and you couldn't get down fast enough. It felt so good to be on solid ground again even if you were feeling a little wobbly.

"Did you like my surprise?" Charlie asks as he slides down off Griffy's back.

"You're something else Charlie Weasley," It had been unexpected, you had to give the boy points for trying. It was a very unique surprise and in the end, it had been rather interesting. "but yeah it was pretty cool."

"I knew you'd like it," He takes your hand in his and while his next words had been spoken with as much confidence as he could muster, you couldn't help but notice he was blushing. "let's go eat- I'm starving."

Squeezing his hand gently, you nod a little. "Let's."

tbh,, i havent read the raws of the interview yet, only the translated ver from fan-translator and b4 i start, i think that this will be just me talking in circle and in no particular order AND a real mess (my brain does weird things after exams) but uhh here we go

gojou collects talented people, and by doing so he finds the people he can most probably relate to, except that he can't, not really, because something in the universe shifted when he was born. and it makes me think of how he's always known it, that he is special, and he's proven it, time and time again— he wants to take in talented ppl and he does, but there rly isn't much he can do for them. for they are talented, more talented than the world can understand,,

but they aren't gojou satoru

gojou took in megumi, bc he knew megumi was strong, and would grow up to be someone even stronger, but gojou can't facilitate or encourage his growth, bc for all they're similar, they are so fundamentally different. ALSO,, while geto was in his life, gojou rly judged everything according to his understanding of geto’s moral compass. gojou wears a human suit and geto is how he learnt to wear it well 🏃

the dragonfly analogy regarding to geto’s response to gojo, who was shown wearing a dragonfly patterned yukata in HI arc,, i’m trying to not think abt the fact that dragonfly symbolized victory in jpn....pain. i quoted from a web here for more explanation : In Japan the dragonfly is known as the "victory insect", or kachimushi, because of its hunting prowess and also because it is known to never retreat. Dragonflies are agile and fast fliers and can even hover, but never fly backwards

and bringing this up again, matricide and patricide are 2 of the 5 worst act to commit in buddhism, and it was said that if u commit one of those act u’re going to spend a real long time in the deepest pit of hell before continuing the samsaric cycle (higher chances to be born as an animal after that probs)— this might be geto’s divine retribution. held no power over his own body and could be considered that he’s the same as those “monkeys” 💀

ALSO the fact that sukuna's interest is "eating" rly drives home his hedonistic philosophy of seeking pleasure for himself. and he’s a cannibal...makes me think if he’ll just chomp on ppl with the mouth on his stomach

randomly, to date i think he hasn't really called himself a human, shaman, or a curse, and has held himself apart from all 3, and we've also the intro of the cursed wombs so i wonder if he’s trying to become, or is, a different entity altogether

so onmyoji got mentioned in the interview and what they practice is called onmyodo and abe no seimei and kano no yasunori were the notable practitioners,, and the kamo in jjk is the same as irl who served the imperial court back then

maybe i was right when i said that the relation between the govt. and jujutsu elders are similar to how the shogunate and imperial court work (ie, the former holds the actual power) but... lets see later,,

and i cant believe that i actually nailed it on the analogy of jujutsu practices by religion,,, so mahayana buddhism, shintoism, and taoism is present in jjk along with their respective jujutsu practices...but between the 3, it shld (?) be taoism > shintoism > mahayana buddhism (which could took a path to pure land buddhism)

it’s weird that the number of curses are supposedly higher in jpn comparable to other countries when taoism was brought from china....tengen sus

so the zenin family tree is sth like :

brothers: [toji's dad] ; naobito ; ougi

so toji, naoya, and maki & mai are cousins of the same generation

[toji's dad] → jinichi (probs) ; toji → megumi

naobito → other brothers, naoya

ougi → maki, mai

but yea i’d call anyone who’s within/close or below my age range as cousins and others above 30 as uncles/ aunts LMFAO,, i dont rly memorize my own family tree 😭😭 especially since most call the other by honorifics instead of names : aunt, uncles etc or attaching said honorifics at the end of a name for an older sibling figure/ older cousins [but like ppl in my country also call the other who are older with sibling honorific even if we’re strangers,,, rly similar to korea’s hyung/oppa—eonnie(unnie)/noona but some uses more genderless honorific] (1)

tw // topic of incest, mentions of abuse

if anyone got the wrong idea when reading this : i am not glorifying/ romanticising incest(uous themes),, i’m looking at this with absolutely no lenses of bias even tho im rly against it

初恋 = literally : first love, or puppy love

恋 = romantic love/ deep longing

i literally don't know how else to put this...🧍and with language barrier...using a western interpretation of the eng word "love" to explain a jpnese term is not quite that simple, unfortunately

that thread omg,, i rly do understand how exactly someone could associated kindness with love bc of my upbringing, it was when i was slightly older that i was just...oh so its not like that orz,,, so the most plausible explanation would be that

but the problem is that,, akutami never specify when exactly she had a crush on them,, and when megumi answered todo’s question she had a “♡” reaction 😶,, uhmmm there’s rly no way to look past this if its this way or be in denial

i’ve seen some of "why wouldn't mai react that way after hearing megumi say he'd like someone who's compassionate when she's surrounded by men like naoya",, well I MEAN,,, that, but also mai probs admires that megumi grew up so well out of the clan, regardless of the fact that he had the foundation (10 shadows) to do so. imo she seems happy for him the way she can't be for maki, bc maki ultimately had to leave her behind

hate to say it but yea,, the 3 clans most likely still practice inbreeding in order to preserve their power and presumably their wealth too 😀

i had an idle thought abt it at first but i filed it deep in the back of my mind asap,, bc i ont wanna jump to conclusion abt this out of all things too early. it’s probably not even in jjk, but all those elite clans in other ani/mangas that produce powerful heirs and whatnot also do the same,,, but this way of (my personal) thinking was influenced when i first got into tsukihime (type-moon),,, i read abt the nanaya family background and found out that they practice that in order to keep their bloodline “pure” (to keep it short : they have an optical power),, and i had this kind of assumption ever since so there’s that

i’m,, convinced the zenins' inbreeding made it more difficult for them to get powerful shamans bc they got 2 jujutsu technique-less children with heavenly restrictions in the same generation: toji & maki

even more convinced that maki might be a bit stronger than toji bc toji could see curses without aid while maki can't so the pay-off must be higher,,, SJJASN IDK ,,, plus naoya sort of implies his older brothers are nothing compared to him, and idk if we should take that as his arrogance or that his older brothers rly are weak/powerless. it would make sense as to why naobito had a lot of sons, ig, as head of clan

i feel so bad that if one of the factors that can caused heavenly restriction is inbreeding,, toji and maki and mai had no say in how they wanted to be born but are scorned for it,, typical asian families projecting their traumas and ideals onto their kids but get mad when they realize that those ideals are ugly...😁😁😁

since the zenin are conservative,, i wonder if they still hold onto old jpnese dining traditions. where in ancient jpn, hierarchical relationships were made readily apparent even within families. a dining table where everybody sat down and ate as equals would be unheard of. rather, each individual is given their own table that indicates their status,,, someone who is not considered “strong” according to the zenin’s views most likely have no place at the table, and probs eat when those who are “strong” finished/ serve them when they are eating

if toji was tossed into a swarm of curses,, i dont think abuse during said time is below them,,,

the zenin clan was already great, but they further amassed power and strength by, what i assume to be, marrying and adopting powerful individuals into the clan 🤔 ,,, i imagine they're like the hiiragi but without doing what they did to shinya (ons reference)

BUT after all that, i like to think that since akutami’s a big horror fan, jjk might be an outlet to explore said topics or even darker ones, so i wouldnt be that surpised abt it. given that there’s more than enough “red flags” before this was dropped : a reference to “tale of hikaru genji” when a grown woman asked for gojou’s number in HI arc (out of all things); granny who transformed into the man’s daughter, sat on his lap and man just touched her waist; mei mei and ui ui ; and...this (incestous theme is in the novel btw)

lets not start with whatever the f*ck in kubo’s head in the interview otherwise i’m writing paragraphs with every curse words possible,, those big 3 mangakas are so— UGH,, a planet w out (cis) men like him sounds real good rn 😌 if one of yall out there decide to do it,, pls hmu rly cant do this sh*t anymore

akutami said i like my men pretty and i like women who will step on my neck and spit in my face (I REMEMBERED TATSUKI FUJIMOTO’S INTERVIEW WHEN HE WAS ASKED ABT MAKIMA AND IT WAS SO 😭😭😭😭) but ykw,, love that for both of them <3

when i said 3 : one piece, bleach, naruto. aside from the blatant depiction/ characterize of women in those 3,, idk if some ppl arent aware yet but oda is friends with two (2) convicted pedos,, man...the major disappointment and disgust when i first find out abt it

anyways this is just my 2 cents (which i think rightfully belong to the trash can) so pls just take this w a lil to no grain of salt - 🐱

YEAH THE ♡ LMFAO I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A “good answer ♡“ heart BUT NOW IM RE-EXAMINING?????

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if the three clans practiced inbreeding. but ik people are going to be 😡😡😡😡😡 about it when the queen of f*cking england is literally married to her (something) cousin. i’m not justifying it but like....love the double standards, just as always with the west 😍

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT f*ckING PED* LIST THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN JAIL. JAILLLLL. it’s all so gross. that’s why i f*cking hate when people look towards manga for positive representation because the chances of that are super slim to zero, especially since the industry is saturated with misogyny and ped******* and a lot of other gross stuff.

i think ppl forget jjk is a horror manga LOL so obviously it’s going to confront darker themes. the question is whether it’s going to be done tastefully or not......

Tough times Oscar X Reader

@spoonful-of-sugar8 @chonisberonicahere you go babies :) sorry it took me so long, I wanted it to be good. I still feel like it's bad but I didn't wanna make you guys wait any longer.

request: you and spooky have been bestfriends since high school. you have always been there for the core four and basically helped Oscar raise Cesar. Cesar sees you as a mother figure and eventually you and Oscar get together. A/N: just a real quick thing, this story won't really be the same as the show it won't be totally different either, and in this Oscar has just turned 18, the reader is 17, and Cesar is 7. ALSO, I'm a black woman so the "reader" (you guys) will always be a black woman. but, if you want any other race or gender or anything please let me know because I don't want anyone to feel left out.<3

warnings: cussing, a little bit of arguing, and i tried not to put so many time skips like my other stories but there's still a lot so its kind of messed up in my eyes.

Y/N POV

"Ugggggggh." I groaned out loud hearing my phone alarm go off. I f*cking hate that sound with a passion. I looked at the time. 6:30 a.m. "Uuuuugh, fuuuuck meeee." I exclaimed as I quite literally rolled out of bed. School starts at 8 but I take about 30 years to get ready. I laid my outfit which consisted of sweatpants and a t-shirt. I real life dress bummy as f*ck. Don't get me wrong, I clean up nice, but like... I don't got no one to impress. I took a quick shower and did my hair before I got dressed. It was almost 7:40 so I grabbed my phone and my backpack and headed out to my car. My car wasn't nothing fancy considering I was ACTUALLY POOR, just a grey Subaru. but it was absolutely everything to me. I hooked up to my aux and started driving.

-time skip-

7:55. Made it to school with 5 minutes to spare so I went to my locker to grab the books for my first class, math. I'm not the smartest but I love math. The teacher was nice and working with numbers was lowkey easier for me. I walked in and saw my best friend. Oscar. Damn he's fine with his full head of curls and sexy ass smile. I thought to myself. Okay bitch, you need to pull yourself together, don't be acting no type of way. I took the seat next to him. "Hey boo." I said smiling at him. "Hey." He said back with a smile. We conversed for a while until the teacher walked in and started the class.

-time skip to the end of the school day-

"Finally bro, this day lasted forever." I said as me and Oscar walked to my car. "You need a ride?" I asked him. "Yeah, if it's not to much to ask." He said. He's been quiet all day. "Of course it's not to much to ask you crackhead." I said laughing a little. We got in my car. "What’s wrong Oscar?" I asked. " You been quiet all day." He just shrugged. "Come on, Oscar." I pleaded. "You can tell me anything, you know that." We sat there for a minute in complete silence. "It's my dad..." He started. I immediately grew worried because I knew that Oscar and his dad didn't have the best relationship. I didn't say anything and waited until he continued. "He wants me to take over the santos ." He said quietly. "Oh f*ck.." I said under my breath. This is not good. "Well... is there anything we can do?" I asked full of concern. He shook his head. I got teary eyed. I do NOT want Oscar in this life. He has so much potential. "Oscar, he cant expect this from you... you're only 17. Isn't there anyone else that can take his place? Why does it have to be you?" I said. "Who's gonna take care of you and Cesar?" "There's no one else Y/N! It can only be me don't you see that?!" He yelled. I jumped at his sudden outburst, he NEVER yells. "Cesar and I have no one but the santos so I have to do this!" He said a little quieter this time but his voice was still loud. "Oscar, let me help you. " I said quietly. "You can't Y/N, there's nothing you can do..." He said. I knew he was right but I wasn't about to let him go through this sh*t alone. "At least let me be there for you and Cesar... please." I begged him. He sat there for a second before he finally gave in and nodded. I sighed. I gave his hand a light squeeze before I started my car and began the journey to his house. We arrived at his house and he was about to get out of the car when I stopped him. "Do you want me to come in?" I asked. He shook his head. "I think it's best if you go home right now." He said. That hurt... "Oh. Okay... call me if you need me." I said. I hope he didn't hear the sadness in my voice. I waited until he walked inside before I drove off.

-time skip-

It was currently 9 p.m. and I haven't heard from Oscar all day. I was worried. I got my pajamas on and layed down, turning on netflix. I was about an hour into clueless when I saw my bedroom door open. The f*ck? My parents are on a business trip. I got up quick as sh*t ready to fight whoever it was when I saw Oscar limping into my room. I forgot he had a house key. I couldn't see his face because he had a hood on and he was bent over in what seemed to be pain, but I knew it was him. "Oscar..." "Are you okay?" I asked. He limped over to my bed and threw himself down with a groan. I finally got a glimpse of his face and gasped. It was bloody and bruised. "Oscar.. what the f*ck happened boo?" I asked worried, sitting down next to him. He was breathing heavy. He took his hood off and I nearly cried. His beautiful curls... they were gone. "Oscar...please." "Tell me what happened." I pleaded. "I... I got jumped in.." He said between pants as he took off his hoodie and I saw all of the bruises. That's when the water works started. I hugged him as I cried. This is it.. it's official now. He's part of the santos.

-the next morning-

I don't know when I fell asleep but when I woke up, Oscar was no where to be found. I teared up again thinking about the events that occurred last night. My poor baby... I didn't want to go to school today but at least it was Friday. I threw on some leggings and a hoodie. I brushed my hair into a bun and grabbed my stuff. I arrived at school at 7:50 and just headed straight to class. I didn't see Oscar anywhere. This is gonna be a long day.

-time skip-

It was lunchtime and this day could not have been going by slower. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore and walked out of the cafeteria to go to my car. I drove to Oscars house. When I got there, I saw a few santos sitting in his front lawn. I recognized them. They were cool people. "Hey, any of y 'all seen Oscar?" I asked walking up to them. Alejandro answered. "Yeah, he's inside with Cesar." "Thank you." I thanked him and walked inside the house. I didn't need to knock since I've known Oscar for like, 4 years now. I heard Oscar and Cesar in one of the back rooms so I followed their voices. I quietly peeked through the door to see Oscar and Cesar playing with hot wheels. The sight real life warmed my heart. Oscar is really good with kids. "BOOM, know your car is blowed up!" Cesar yelled.(I'm sorry, idfk how children talk) "Hey man, that's totally not fair!" Oscar whined. I giggled at how childish he sounded. At the sound of my giggle, Cesar and Oscar's gaze turned towards me in the doorway. He smiled and got up off the floor as Cesar ran towards me and hugged my abdomen. "Hi baby." I said ruffling his hair. "Y/N! I missed you!" Cesar said hugging me tighter. "I missed you too my darling." I said smiling and kissing the top of his head. Oscar walked up to us and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Why aren't you in school?" He asked. "I was worried about you...how are you feeling?" I asked him. "I'm alright, still sore though." He said. I just nodded sadly. "Why isn't Cesar in school?" I asked him as I looked at Cesar who went back to playing with his hot wheels like we didn't exist. "Our father got arrested this morning." He said, my eyes widened with worry. "So I told him he could stay home with me today." He said. "Awww." I said. "Oh come on, don't get all gushy on me." He said laughing. His laugh caused me to laugh too. "So.. would you and Cesar wanna go to the beach with me to get your mind off things?" I asked him. At the mention of going to the beach, Cesar jumped up from his spot on the floor. 'Yeah! I wanna go!" He jumped up and down in excitement. "I guess now you ain't got no choice." I said grinning at Oscar who huffed in fake annoyance. "Okay, okay. Fine." He said. "Go get ready." He told Cesar. "Yayy!" Cesar yelled as he ran to get ready. "Go get ready, I'll wait for you guys in the living room." I said to Oscar, standing on my tip toes to kiss his cheek. "Alright." He said. I sat in the living room for about 10 minutes until they finally came out. Cesar ran up to me hugging me again. This kid is so clingy and it's the cutest thing ever. "You guys ready to go?" I asked looking down at Cesar. "Yup!" He said cutely. I smiled at him. We all piled into my car and started off for the beach. Oscar and I was so deep into conversation that I didn't even realize we were already at the beach until I heard Cesar yelling. "Yay, the beach!" I laughed. We got out the car and Cesar started running towards the sand. "Aye! Stay close to us." Oscar yelled out to Cesar which made him stop dead in his tracks and wait for us to catch up. I smiled. He was such a good kid. We sat our towels down. Cesar kicked his flip flops off and dashed towards the water. "Don't go to far into the water Cesar." I called out to him. "Okay." He yelled back. When I turned back around, Oscar was sitting down on his towel. I took off my shorts and top so I was in my bathing suit. Oscar was watching Cesar. "You wanna get in the water with us boo?" I asked. He shook his head. "Nah, I don't want Cesar to see the bruises." I looked at him sadly. "Are you in pain right now? Do you need anything?" I asked him full of concern. He chuckled at me. "Nah boo, I'm okay at the moment." "Okay, let me know if you need anything." I said kissing his cheek and walking towards the water to swim with Cesar.

Oscars POV

She's to good to us... I don't know what I did to deserve her. If it wasn't for her, we would have literally nobody. I thought to myself. I just sat back and watched how well she got a long with Cesar. That kid really loves her.

Y/N POV

After about an hour of me and Cesar acting complete fools in the water, and Oscar laughing at us. We got out and hung out with Oscar so he wouldn't feel left out. After a while of us running around chasing each other, we got hungry. "Do you guys wanna go to Dwayne's and get some food?" I asked them. "Yeah!" Cesar said. "Yeah, that sounds good." Oscar responded almost the same time as Cesar. We got back in my car and went to Dwayne's. We sat down, Cesar and I on one side of the booth and Oscar across from us. Dwayne came up to us to take our order.

-time skip-

"That was great." I said smiling at Oscar as he put Cesar in his bed. After we ate , lil baby passed out. "Yeah, today was amazing. We really needed that." He said pulling me into a hug. I smiled up at him. We just looked at each other for a while. Then he kissed me. It caught me off guard but I kissed back anyway. It was a quick kiss. It ended way sooner than I would have liked. "What was that for?" I asked him quietly. "Just... for being you I guess." He said shyly which I thought was the cutest because Oscar is anything but shy. I chuckled a little. I pulled back after realizing we were still so close. "Uh, I gotta go." I said. "Okay, I'll see you later I guess." He said. I walked away smiling. When I got in my car, I was still smiling. When I arrived home, I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. Even though it probably meant nothing to Oscar, it meant everything to me. I decided to take a shower. After my shower, I instantly fell asleep, worn out from the beach. When I woke up, the sound of someone knocking on my door made me unwillingly get out of my bed. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and opened the door to see Oscar and Cesar standing there. "Y/nnnn!" Cesar said jumping into my arms. "Hi baby." I said kissing the side of his head and putting him back on his feet. "Hi." I said to Oscar giving him a kiss on the cheek and ushering them inside. I closed the door behind them. "What brings you guys over at 11 in the morning?" I asked goofily. Oscar chuckled. "I have to drop Cesar off over at Ruby's for a playdate with all the kids and I wanted to know if you wanted to spend the day with me. I tried to contain my smile but I couldn't help it. Maybe that kiss did mean something to him. "Yeah, I would love that." I said. "Just let me get ready okay?" "Alright, we'll be waiting for you." Oscar said leading Cesar into the living room and turning on some cartoons. I ran to my room and threw on a flowy white dress with different colored flowers on it and some white sandals. I put my hair in a high bun with two braids in the front. I grabbed my phone and my purse. "Okay guys, I'm ready whenever you are." I said walking into the living room to see them watching Tom and Jerry. They're cute. I thought to myself. Cesar stood up and ran over to me as Oscar stood up and turned the t.v. off. I grabbed Cesar's hand and we walked out to Oscar's sexy red car. We all got in the car. "Cesar, you buckled?" Oscar asked. "Yes." Cesar said with his cute little voice. Oscar nodded his head before starting the car and driving off. The next 10 minutes consisted of comfortable silence. We arrived at Ruby's house and Cesar had already unbuckled ready to dip out this car to go see his friends. "Hold on baby, you gotta wait until we park." I said to him giggling as he pouted. We all got out of the car and Cesar ran up to the door. Geny opened the door for us and we walked inside. "Bye Cesar." Oscar said kissing the top of Cesar's head. "Bye baby." I said giving Cesar a small hug. Cesar and Ruby joined Monse and Jamal in the play room. I smiled as I heard them giggling and just having fun. They're my favorites. "You ready to go?" Oscar asked me. "Yeah." I said smiling at him. "Where are we going?" I asked him as we got in his car. "I got some drop offs, then imma take you to dinner." He said nonchalantly. "Mr. Diaz, is this a date?" I asked jokingly. "I mean, it could be." He said shrugging his shoulders. I was shocked for a second but played it off as if it was nothing. "I just wanted to thank you for being there for Cesar and I. We had a really good time yesterday." "No problem Osc." I said smiling at him. We arrived at his first drop off. Not gonna lie, it was kind of scary being with him when he did this but I was to giddy about our "date" to be sketched out. After a few more stops, we we were on our way to dinner. "Are you gonna tell me where we're going?" I asked him for the hundredth time. "Girl no, its a surprise." He said. "Uuuuuugh" I groaned. He laughed at me. I giggled as we pulled up to Dwayne's. "What you laughin at me for fool?" He asked looking hurt. "Sorry I didn't take you to a five star restaurant." "I'm not laughing at you fool, I think you're cute." I said pushing him slightly. "And I don't care that its not a fancy restaurant, I love Dwayne's." I said. He smiled at me and got out the car. I followed his lead and got out as well. "The f*ck is wrong with you fool?" He asked me. I looked at him mad confused. "A man is supposed to open the door for a lady." He said seriously. "Oh sh*t, that's my bad. You want me to get back in the car?" I asked jokingly. "Yes, I do." We laughed and walked into Dwayne's. We sat down at a booth and were immediately greeted by Dwayne himself. "Hey guys, can I start you off with some drinks?" He asked. "Ladies first." Oscar said looking at me. "I'll take a sprite please." "I'll take a co*ke." "Alright, do you guys already know what you're going to order or do you need more time?" He asked us. "I already know what I want." I said. "I'll take the barbeque chicken please." I said smiling at him. "Okay, how about you Oscar?" He asked. "I'll just take a burger with a side of fries." He said. "You're so basic." I said laughing. Dwayne laughed too. "So y 'all gangin up on me now?" Oscar asked. I laughed again. "Nah, I'm just playin." He said laughing too. We talked for about 30 minutes until Dwayne brought our food out. "About time, fool." Oscar said. "Hey, watch it. I can take this food and give it to someone else." Dwayne said jokingly. Oscar put his hands up in surrender as I laughed. (I laugh WAY to much in real life, like my sense of humor is actually f*cked so I'm sorry if I'm putting to much laughter in this lmao) Everything was going amazing, the food was good and spending time with Oscar was very much needed. It was great to see him laughing. One second we was laughing, the next, Oscars eyes went cold as he stared at the door of Dwayne's. I turned around in confusion to see what he was looking at. My heart dropped. There was two officers walking towards Oscar and I. I turned back to Oscar and grabbed his hands. "It's gonna be okay boo. They probably just wanna talk." I said in a quiet voice trying to comfort him. They walked up to the table. I gulped trying to hide my fear. "Are you Oscar Diaz?" One of the officers asked. "Yeah." Oscar said nonchalantly. The officer pulled out his cuffs. "You're under arrest for illegal drug trafficking." I gasped. I started crying as they put the cuffs on him and read him his Miranda rights. "Hey, hey, look at me." Oscar said. "It's gonna be alright. Tell Cesar I love him." I shook my head in shock. "Please, he didn't do anything." I begged. They didn't listen. They kept dragging him out like he was a dog. I was full on having a panic attack now as Dwayne hugged me. I stood there in disbelief for a few minutes before I came to my senses. I had to go get Cesar. As much as I wanted to go home and never leave my house again, I couldn't leave Cesar alone. Oscar keys must have fell out of his pocket because they were on the seat. I picked them up and ran out to the car. There was so many emotions running through me right now. I had to calm down before I got Cesar, I didn't want him to see me upset. f*ck... how was I gonna tell Cesar...

-time skip-

I pulled up in front of Geny's. I got out and took a deep breath before I knocked on her door. She opened and her face fell. "What happened mija?" She asked with worry. I teared up again. She took me in her arms and lead me into the house. Luckily all the kids were in the play room. "Oscar.. he got arrested." I said trying not to full on cry in Geny's house. She gasped and pulled me into a hug. I let go and wiped my eyes after I regrouped. "Can you get Cesar for me please?" I asked her. "Of course." She said walking towards the playroom. I took the extra time to make myself look as happy as possible. Cesar ran to me and hugged my torso. "Hey boo, how was your day?" I asked him. "It was awesome!" He said happily. I smiled at him. "Where's Oscar?" He asked innocently. I almost broke down but I held it together. "Um, he had some stuff he had to do so he let me borrow the car." I said trying to sound as convincing as possible. I don't think he bought it but he still went along with it anyway. "Oh okay.." "You ready to go?" I asked as I rubbed his head. "Yeah." He said smiling at me. We walked out to the car. "Can I sit in the front pleaseeee?" He asked. "Just one time, Oscar doesn't have to know." He said sweetly. "Okay, but only this one time." I said smiling as he cheered. We got in the car and drove to my house. "how would you like it if I stayed with you for a few nights?" I asked Cesar. "Yeah!" He yelled. I laughed. "Okay." I parked and we walked into my house. "Here boo." I said handing him the remote. Watch whatever you want while I go pack some clothes." "Okay" He said sitting on the couch and turning the t.v. on. I walked in my room and shut the door behind me. I was really trying not to cry right now, I didn't want Cesar to worry. I grabbed my duffle bag and put as many clothes as I could fit, my personal hygiene stuff and basically anything that I would need to live. After I gathered up all of my stuff, I walked around the house and made sure the lights and stuff were off since I wasn't gonna be here for a while. I walked into the living room after making sure everything was turned off and everything. "You ready to go baby?" I asked him. "Yes." He said getting up and turning the t.v. off. We got in my car and drove to the santos house. "What you want for dinner boo?" I asked him. "Uhh.... chicken!" He said. "Okay boo, go play and i'll start dinner." I said kissing his head. About an hour and a half later, dinner was done. I made baked barbeque chicken, fried potatoes, green beans with bacon and baked mac and cheese. I made our plates and called for Cesar. Immediately after I said grace, little man dug in. He was done in about 15 minutes. "Damn boo, was you hungry?" I said laughing a little. He just giggled and went into the living room. I smiled to myself. I love that kid. I finished eating and did the dishes. I decided I had to tell Cesar. It was now or never. I walked in the living room where Cesar was laying on the couch, watching amazing world of gumball. He looked at me and smiled as I sat next to him. I smiled back, but it was a sad smile. "What's wrong y/n?" He asked full of concern. He was pretty smart for a seven year old and he could pick up on peoples emotions really easily. " Cesar... there's something I have to tell you." I said turning my body on the couch to face him. "What is it?" He said sitting up. I didn't know how to sugar coat it so I just told him straight up. "Oscar got arrested today.." I said looking down at my hands. It was silent for a while until I heard sniffling. Cesar was crying. "Come here baby." I said pulling him into a hug. "It's gonna be okay boo, I'm gonna be right here with you. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you." I said kissing the top of his head and rubbing his back in a soothing way.

8 Years Later

Today is the day Oscar gets out. It's been eight years. The night I told Cesar, he took it pretty badly. But after a while, he got used to it being just me. We did pretty well too, for me only being 18 taking care of a 7 year old. I got us an apartment after I found it way to painful to stay in the santo house without Oscar. We grew closer and he was for real like my son now. I looked over at Cesar. "You excited boo?" I asked him. "Yeah, just a little nervous though." He said. "It'll be okay baby." I said kissing the top of his head. After another few minutes of waiting, I started getting anxious. Finally, the gates opened and I saw Oscar. He looked so different. I mean, of course Cesar and I visited him but... there was something different about him. He had a few new tattoos also. He ran up to us and scooped Cesar up in his arms. He got hella buff. "I missed you hermano." He said. "I missed you too." He put Cesar down and turned to look at me. I gave him a soft smile. "Hey boo." He said goofily, picking me up and kissing my cheek. "I missed you so much." I whispered. "I missed you too." He put me down. "Okay, lets get you home, I bet you're hungry." I said handing him the keys and walking to the car. We stopped at a taco truck before making our way back to Freeridge. After an hour and a half of driving, we finally made it back to the santos house. There was hella santos in the front lawn waiting for us to get home with Oscar. "God it's good to be home." Oscar said as he parked the car. He got out and was swarmed with hella santos. Cesar and I got out the car. I stood back and watched as Oscar chatted up with Cesar and the santos. I didn't know all of their names but I got close with a few of them during these 8 years. Especially Jose, whos better known as sad eyes around here. Speaking of the devil, he walked up to me. "Why ain't you over there with the others?" I asked him. "I figured I would wait until everyone wasn't crowdin him. We got all the time in the world now." He said. "True, true." I said. We stood in silence for a while. "Hey, I just wanted to say that just because Oscar is back, doesn't mean I'm gonna act some type a way around you. It's gonna be just like how it was when he was locked up, I don't got nothin to hide." He said. I smiled at him. "Okay, that's good because I didn't want you to treat me different." He chuckled. We stood there and talked for a while. I didn't even notice that the santos had left and Oscar was walking up to me and Jose. "Hey compa, how was it in the pin?" Jose asked as he dapped Oscar up. They both laughed. Oscar wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed my cheek. Him and Jose chatted up for a while, catching up with me joining in occasionally. At some point in their conversation, Oscar had moved his arm off of my shoulders. "Alright homie, imma head out and let you get some rest." Jose said dapping Oscar up once again. He turned and kissed my cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow." He said. " Bye." I said smiling and giving him a small wave. Oscars POV

The f*ck kinda sh*t was that. Why my boy kissin on my girl like that. He knows she's my wifey. Y/N POV

"You ready to head inside?" I asked looking at Oscar. "Yeah." He said wrapping his arm around my shoulder, leading me inside. I yawned. "i should really be heading home." I said. "Oh come on, it's my first day back, why don't you spend the night" He asked. I thought about it for a second. "Alright, I'll stay, but only for tonight." I said. Oscar smiled at me. Cesar was in the living room watching t.v. He smiled when he saw us walk in and got up to hug his brother. They both sat on the couch as I made my way into Oscar's room where I still had some clothes. I decided on some Nike shorts and a plain grey shirt. I hopped in the shower. About 45 minutes later, I got out. I moisturized, brushed my hair and got dressed. When I walked in the living room, they were both asleep and Cesar had his head on Oscar. It was the cutest thing ever. I took a picture right quick and went to get them a blanket and pillows. Oscar was awake when I got back. "You take for f*cking ever in the shower." He said tiredly, rubbing his eyes I chuckled. "My bad." I said. I lifted Cesar's head gently and put the pillow down, then I covered him up. "You can crash with me if you want." Oscar said walking towards his room. I followed behind him. We layed down facing each other. For a few minutes, it was quiet until Oscar spoke up. "Y/n.. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you. I love you so much." I was at a loss for words. This is one of the very very few times I've seen Oscar this vulnerable. "I love you too Osc.." I said. He leaned in and kissed me. That kiss soon turned into a full on make out session and that turned to something else.

-3 weeks later-

It's been 3 weeks since Oscar got out of prison, 3 weeks since we shared that intimate moment. I've been staying at my apartment since that night and I've only hung around a few times. Cesar and the rest of the kids was at my apartment everyday for the first two weeks but stopped coming after that. I was confused as to why but I didn't question it. I didn't wanna hang out with everyone even though I missed Oscar so much. He's been pretending that night didn't happen and I don't want him to feel like I'm trying to force things. He started being more involved in the gang sh*t after a week of being out. I thought going to prison would put some sense in him and I'm very disappointed to find out that it in fact did not. I decided I was going to talk to him about everything that's been on my mind after work today... I hope things go well.

-time skip-

It was finally 9:30. The end of my shift. I gathered my things before walking and locking the building doors. I decided I was gonna go straight to the santo house to talk to Oscar instead of going home first. When I got there, there was only a few santos sitting outside, including Oscar and Jose. I got out of my car and walked up. "Hey guys." I said as Jose stood up and kissed my cheek. Oscar glared at him. "Can I talk to you for a second Oscar?" I asked. "Yeah." He said a little to quickly, getting up and walking to the house. I followed behind him. He spoke up when we got inside. "What kind of sh*t was that?" He asked. "What the hell are you talking about?" I asked in utter confusion. "Why was sad eyes all up on you like that?" He asked calmly. I'm glad he wasn't like those dudes that be yelling and sh*t, that sh*t ain't attractive. "It ain't even like that." I said. "Oh, okay. It ain't like that but he's kissin on you?" He said, not believing a word I said. "Oscar... chill out. It for real ain't like that. We just got close when you were locked up. He's like family." I said calmly. "Alright.. I'm sorry." He said. "It's okay.. but you have me confused." "How's that?" He asked. "One minute you act like you don't care about me and like that night meant nothing, and the next you're getting mad cause someone else kissed my cheek... like I just don't understand you." I said. He sighed. "Y/n... it's complicated right now." "How is it complicated Osc, just tell me how you feel." I said softly. "Please." "I love you.. and you know I do. I just... don't want anything bad to happen to you." He said looking down at his hands. I started laughing. "Hey, this sh*t isn't funny." He said sounding a little hurt. "It's not that Oscar, I just think you're cute." I said as I walked up to him and squished his cheeks, kissing his puffed up lips. He smiled at me. "So are we official or nah?" I asked him. "We are if you wanna be." He said. I smiled and kissed him again. " I'll take that as a yes." He said when I pulled away, causing me to life. He smiled and pulled me into a hug. "Where's Cesar?" I asked. "I want to tell him the good news." Oscar stayed silent. I didn't like that at all. Usually when he's silent that means something is wrong. "Oscar.. what's going on?" I asked. "You don't need to worry about it y/n." He said, all emotion wiped clean from his voice. "Don't need to worry about it?" I repeated incredulously. "Cesar is like my son, where the f*ck is he?" I asked getting a little upset. I didn't get to upset and I didn't raise my voice because I didn't wanna ruin the cute moment we just had. "Oscar please tell me." I said growing more worried. "I don't know where he is.." He said finally. "What?..." I asked. "How do you not know where he is?" I asked. "I.. I had to kick him out." He said. "You had to do what?" I asked very upset. "Why would you do that Oscar, he's 15 years old, and you just got out of prison. All he wanted to do was spend time with you." I was starting to get teary eyed. I really did not want to cry right now. "Y/n I know but he disrespected the gang. When I had him jumped in.." I cut him off. "Hold the f*cking phone.. you had my baby jumped in and you didn't talk to me about it first?! I told you I didn't want him in that life no matter what and you agreed." I said not being able to believe what I was hearing. "Y/n.. you have no say in this. I'm sorry but you don't..." He said. "I really can't believe this right now, we were having such a cute moment..." I was very upset right now. "Y/n, I'm sorry. I'm gonna make this right I promise." He said standing up and grabbing my hands. "I really hope so Oscar..." I said pulling my hands away from his. "I gotta go." I said walking out of the front door, Oscar followed behind me but didn't try to stop me. "Aye, where you going?" Jose asked standing in front of me, pulling me in a hug. "I gotta go find Cesar." I said pulling away from the hug. He looked at Oscar shocked. I got in my car and made my way to Monse's, she had to know where he was. I was very upset that he didn't immediately come to me but I decided to push that thought to the back of my mind and focus on making sure my baby was safe. I got to Monse's and jogged to the front door, knocking a little to loudly. She opened it after a few seconds. "Y/n.. what are you doing here?" She asked. "Have you seen Cesar?" I asked worried. I was praying she had seen him. "Uh, yeah. He's here." She said. Oh thank God. "You can come in if you'd like." "Thank you so much." I said walking in as she closed the door behind me. I walked to her bedroom and saw Cesar laying on her bed. He immediately sat up when he realized it was me. I walked up to him and hugged him. "I'm so glad you're alright. Oscar told me what happened." I said kissing his head. "Where in your mind did you not think to come to my house, that's your house too and you know it is." I said lightly slapping his arm between each word. "Ow, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He said. "I didn't want you to worry." He said. I frowned sadly. "I'm always gonna worry about you boo, no matter what. Same goes for Monse, Ruby, and Jamal. You guys are my babies." I said pulling them both into a hug this time. "Please, come stay with me. You can come too if you'd like Monse." I said in a soft voice. "Okay.. we'll come. Just let us gather up our things." Cesar said smiling at me. I smiled back. "Okay, I'll be waiting for you." I walked out of her bedroom and into the living room. About 5 minutes later, they walked out with their bags of clothes. "You guys ready?" I asked. "Yup" They both replied. We got in my car and drove to the apartment. When we got there, they invited the other two. I made us all dinner and we had a fun little movie night. I woke up the next morning to loud knocks on my front door. What the hell? I thought as I unwillingly got out of bed. When I walked in the living room, I saw Jamal and Ruby sprawled all over each other on the couch. I giggled. They're the cutest. I didn't see Monse and Cesar so I figured they were in Cesar's room. I opened the door to reveal Oscar. "Osc, what are you doing here?" I asked moving out of the way so he could walk in. "I need to talk to Cesar, I know he's here." He said looking into the living room seeing Ruby and Jamal sprawled on the couch. "Yeah, he's here, but he's sleeping right now." I said as he pushed past me walking down the hallway. He didn't know which room was Cesar's so he opened every door until he got the right one. As I suspected, Cesar and Monse were in Cesar's bed cuddling. "Aww." I said. They were so cute. Oscar gave me a side glance before walking towards the bed and shaking Cesar to wake him up. When Cesar opened his eyes, he jumped up in shock. "Oscar, what are you doing here?" He asked. "I need to talk to you." Oscar said motioning Cesar to follow him before walking out the door. Cesar put his shoes on and followed behind him. After about 20 minutes, Cesar came back in. "Hey, everything okay?" I asked him worried. "Yeah, Oscar has a plan to make everything right. We gotta go." He said kissing my cheek. "What's the plan Cesar?" I asked. "It's nothing to worry about y/n, everything's gonna be okay." He said trying to reassure me. "What if it ain't, what if something goes wrong?" I asked. "Y/n, it won't I promise. Just don't tell Monse and everyone where I went." He said. "You guys please be careful." I said pleadingly. "We will y/n, I promise." He said before walking out the door. I had a sunken feeling in my stomach but I decided to push the feeling away and make breakfast for everyone, not wanting them to wake up and go hungry. I finished cooking and went to wake the boys up first, then Monse. When Monse woke up, she was really worried. "Where's Cesar?" She asked immediately. "Don't worry baby, he just ran to the corner store for me." I said, knowing I was lying but not wanting to worry her. "Oh, okay." She said a little more calmly. "Come on, I made breakfast." I said holding my hand out to her. She grabbed my hand and I lead her to the kitchen where the boys were already eating. After everyone got done eating, they went in the living room to chill. After about an hour, Cesar and Oscar walked into the apartment. "Oh thank God!" I said running up to them, kissing Cesar on the top of his head and wrapping my arms around Oscars neck giving him a kiss on the lips. Everyone looked shocked but I didn't care. "What is he doing here?" Monse asked incredulously. "Don't worry Mons, everything's fine now. We fixed it." Cesar said wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "What do you mean you fixed it?" Jamal asked. "How?" Ruby asked right after him. Oscar spoke up before Cesar could. "Don't worry about it, just know its taken care of." "That made the children stop questioning. "Are you guys hungry?" I asked them. "There's still some breakfast left." "I'm starving." Cesar said walking to the kitchen with Monse following him. "How bout you boo?" I asked Oscar. "Yeah I could eat." He said smiling.

-3 years later-

I was doing laundry, thinking about how far we've come. It's been three years. Monse went to a boarding school, Jazmine and ruby got together, Jamal joined the football team. We all still keep in touch even though Oscar, Cesar and I moved to the suburbs. Oscar got out the gang life and we got married. I got pregnant and everything has been going great for us. We couldn't be happier. Of course there's still times when Oscar forgets that he's safe now and he doesn't need to carry a gun everywhere but we're working on it. "Y/n, where you be at?" I heard Oscar yell. "In here babe." I yelled back. He walked in seeing me struggle to get the clothes out of the washer to transfer into the dryer. "Let me do that bebe, you don't need to be staining yourself when you're 8 months pregnant." He said taking the clothes out of my hand and putting them in the dryer. "Thank you baby." I said kissing his cheek. "Go sit down doll, I made dinner." "Aww, my sweet man." I said cooing at him. "Don't act like I don't make your lazy ass dinner all the time." He said. I laughed. "I know, I know." I said. He turned towards me and wrapped his arm around my waist. Pulling me into him, kissing me. After we ate dinner, we ended the night with me laying down with my head on his lap and him rubbing my pregnant belly. I really couldn't be happier.

idk

I was really hoping to just use the fact that work is keeping me too busy to explain why I feel so sad and tired and dejected and alone and invisible all the time but like work has been fine actually?? I feel like I'm mostly just going through yet anotheridentity crisis and existentialism so much I feel so detached from my body like I can't even FEEL being where I am. every time I realize who I am and what I do and what my place is in this world--or what my place isn't--it just makes me feel like I'm living in another skin or like I need to leave myself bUT I f*ckING CANT!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to blame it on this pandemic for forcing me to live with myself more but also like on the other hand it’s a good thing that it happened because I DO know who I am more but at the same time it comes with the doubled edged sword part of realizing that who I am is so f u c k e d i n t h e h e a d.

why do my irl/online friends put up with me??? like I just don't get it anymore. I hate myself so much because I literally don't do anything worth remembering or celebrating or its not special like I just can't see it. I'm always gonna see myself pitted against the world or other ppl and it just feels literally so impossible to convince myself otherwise that I'm????? special????? idk

I can't bring myself to gif anymore without it feeling like a chore. t and if I do gif its bc I can't escape some sense of obligation to my followers/ppl to make sure they don't hate me for not creating/creating bad stuff. its stupidI know but imagine how much I hate feeling like it for being a creative person. the notes/recognition/imposter syndrome is bigger than itself now too. it’s everything that comes with being a creative person, and then some.I could just quit my job already bc I know I'm just gonna f*ck something up eventually.i don't like talking to anyone in person/online anymore bc it just triggers my social anxiety and that itself makes me feel small and unimportant and invisible. like I have to say something funny or memorable for ppl to like me enough to want to stay. feels like every insecurity I've had since high school is just coming back to haunt me. like anything that comes out of my f*cking mouth is pointless and it just makes me think of all the times I hung out with my (irl) friends and like why do I even bother being there. like what's the point. like what's the point of me being there. .I'm talking to this really too sweet/nice of a guy on this dating app I met and like every time he says something nice I feel like f*cking crying and ghosting him bc like eventually he’ll just find out how f*cked up I am and I literally can't do that to him it’s so unfair. I drink almost every night now, even during when I work.

I know some of you have seen some of my more concerning posts and just wanted to say I've read the messages ppl have sent me and I just wanna keep them in my inbox for rainy days cuz they're just too kind like I'm so bad at taking compliments so I know I sound like a broken record to those of u who’ve reached out to me.

it’s like the more ppl try to convince me to see the way they see things, the more I just want to disappear just to prove them wrong. my real question is how do you not exist anymore without ppl remembering you did. I don't know what went wrong with me. feel like I'm on autopilot