The little rules and best practices of our society aren't always clear and known to everyone. Since most of us (probably) didn't go to finishing school, it's only natural that we'll have some gaps in knowledge when it comes to etiquette. When do you use which fork? Is there a wrong way to hold a wine glass? And who pays the bill?
The question of who pays, or how to split the bill, becomes especially relevant when it's someone's birthday. You want to make the person of honor feel special, but let's be honest — money isn't a renewable resource. So what's the proper solution? The good news is that when simply meeting up with friends at a restaurant, it's customary and socially acceptable for everyone except the birthday person to split the bill.
But the situation changes if it's a more formalized event. If you invite people to an event that you planned — you're a host, and it's on the host to pay. This remains true even if you're throwing your own birthday party, so don't pick a pricey spot and expect your friends to pay your way.
Generally, the most agreeable, fairest way to handle the bill after a birthday dinner is for all guests, minus the guest of honor, to split it evenly.That way everyone is roughly paying for their own food and drink, plus a fraction of the birthday person's bill and an equal share of tax and tip. An exception, according to some etiquette experts likePatricia Napier-Fitzpatrick — founder and president of The Etiquette School of New York — is if you are the one organizing your own birthday dinner.
"Generally when it's the friends saying 'Let's all get together and celebrate Mary's birthday,' everyone except Mary pays for lunch," she said (via Business Insider)."But sometimes someone wants to have their own birthday luncheon, so let's say Mary invites everyone to celebrate her birthday with her, in which case she would pay for everyone, but everyone should bring a gift for her."
If an event has been framed as something to which you're invited rather than communally-made group plans, the host (be it the honoree or not) should be paying— but to be safe, don't assume that they will. Be prepared to at least cover your own portion of the bill in order to avoid any awkward situations after dinner.
Friends With(out) Money
As is the case in any social situation involving friends, the best thing to do is to talk out any uncertainty. Just dropping a simple "Are we planning for everyone but Derek to split the bill?" in the group chat can save you some stress down the line. In general, it's always a good idea to have the payment situation figured out before the meal so no one is stuck doing long division after dessert. Ideally, everyone can contribute cash, or one person can put the dinner on their card, and the rest reimburse them. It's best to avoid asking for separate checks or to split the bill, as it makes your server's job a little trickier and risks throwing off the timing of dishes coming out.
But if you must ask to split the bill, do it before any orders are placed. According toToni Dupree, an etiquette coach with Etiquette & Style by Dupree in Houston, doing so after is a major faux pas. "The decision to split the bill should happen before you sit down for dinner, not when the wait staff brings the check" she toldReal Simple.
There are a lot of different factors that determine who ought to pull their card out after a group meal. But as long as everyone is communicative and on the same page, the night can be an effortless and fun time spent gathering with loved ones to celebrate another trip around the sun.
Generally, the most agreeable, fairest way to handle the bill after a birthday dinner is for all guests, minus the guest of honor, to split it evenly. That way everyone is roughly paying for their own food and drink, plus a fraction of the birthday person's bill and an equal share of tax and tip.
Ideally, everyone can contribute cash, or one person can put the dinner on their card, and the rest reimburse them. It's best to avoid asking for separate checks or to split the bill, as it makes your server's job a little trickier and risks throwing off the timing of dishes coming out.
While the traditional rule of thumb would state that whoever is the host, or whoever initiated the meal, should offer to take care of the bill, it is not quite so realistic in today's social world, where grabbing dinner with family or friends is sometimes more about spending time together than treating it as a formal ...
First, it's very bad manners to invite guests to an event and expect them to pay. The person who issues the invitation is the host, and a host covers the expenses. Your friend should plan something she can afford, not shift the costs to other people.
You're right, the correct dining etiquette is that the person who issues the invitation, as host pays for the meal (or check as it's known by Americans). Unfortunately, not everyone seems to know this simple table manners rule.
According to The Daily Meal, the general and most ideal approach to handling the bill is for all guests — minus the guest of honor — to evenly split it.
Men may not always admit it, but it makes them feel good when they have a woman show that they are thankful for the time, money, and effort that go into keeping her romantically invested in them. We deserve to be treated like queens, but that doesn't mean that we will always come across a guy who values us.
In the past, there was an understanding that men should expect to pay in full for the first date. However, according to Frederick, a new counter norm has emerged: Women are expected to at least offer to chip in, whether by reaching for their wallet or by vocalizing a desire to pay.
If an event has been framed as something to which you're invited rather than communally-made group plans, the host (be it the honoree or not) should be paying — but to be safe, don't assume that they will. Be prepared to at least cover your own portion of the bill in order to avoid any awkward situations after dinner.
But if it's a birthday gift for a close friend or family member—or for a milestone birthday, like turning 18 or 75—it's not uncommon to spend in the $50 to $100 range.
The Sultan of Brunei's 1996 bash for his 50th birthday is easily the most expensive and extravagant of all birthday parties. At the $27.2 million gala, guests were treated to a $16 million Michael Jackson concert, the world's most exquisite caviar and the finest champagne.
Turns out, people tend to expect between five and 10 people to celebrate their birthday, though numbers vary depending on age. For 20-somethings, somewhere between eight and 10 people is the norm, while those in the 30 and up category would celebrate with somewhere between five and seven friends.
Generally, the most agreeable, fairest way to handle the bill after a birthday dinner is for all guests, minus the guest of honor, to split it evenly. That way everyone is roughly paying for their own food and drink, plus a fraction of the birthday person's bill and an equal share of tax and tip.
"Under no circ*mstances should the birthday person spring a surprise bill on their friends," says Farley. Instead, Farley suggests you include the cost of the event when you extend the invite to your friends in order to make clear that attendance comes with a price tag.
If you do choose to throw a party, be a gracious host. It's unacceptable to invite someone into your home, under the auspices of hospitality, then charge them for said hospitality. The cost of the “dinner” part of the dinner party is on you.
"Under no circ*mstances should the birthday person spring a surprise bill on their friends," says Farley. Instead, Farley suggests you include the cost of the event when you extend the invite to your friends in order to make clear that attendance comes with a price tag.
In this example, I've used the Sendo Confetti invitation design template. The bottom of this invite states, “No Host – Visit www. (restaurant-name).com for menu and pricing. I've made it clear that guests will need to pay for their own food and beverages without looking tacky or getting too deep into details.
Try to stick to the “whoever asks” rule—if you picked the location, you can pay for the date. Splitting the bill is also a valid option, especially if you and your date both insist on paying.
Introduction: My name is Greg Kuvalis, I am a witty, spotless, beautiful, charming, delightful, thankful, beautiful person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.
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